Sigh

Danjaruz Demeanor:


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
I cannot lose a love I never had...

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
amazing how things come full circle.
you think one thing, in fact u believe it with everything u are.
then u realize u been living in a dream, and the dream is over.
the dream has been over for some time, but u are only now waking yourself up.

yeah, yeah....yeah

games are played, feelings are hurt, lies are told, stories are hidden, games are played, feelings are hurt, lies are told, stories are hidden.

u hurt me, so imma hurt u. u try to move on, but u love me, so imma bring u back into me, and hurt u again, push u away again, because i love u but i cant allow myself to show it because that takes entirely too much of me that i am unwilling to give.

such a sad sad sad game

i needed to experience that to know what its really all about. what to do, what not to do. how to recognize when someone is using me or loving me. I still havent figured that out.

redirect. focus on whats real. whats real is that there are tons of possibilities. where my life is headed, i have no idea. who i am meant to be with, i have no idea. letting go of one thing, focusing on another, fixing this thing, taking care of that other thing.

we all have so much to do in our lives.

so i talked to him today and he was so down. this is really taking a toll on him, it seems. wish i could do more to cheer him up, but given the circumstances, not much cheering up can be done. all i could do is let him know he is always on my mind, that im awaiting his return, and that he is loved. he knows this of course, but it helps to hear it.

must be something real, cuz why else would i leave my house at 6:30am in 5 degree weather to make the trek all the way out there?

out with the old, in with the new.