Every sinner has a song...

Danjaruz Demeanor:


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
If you find anything in me
That should not be
Take it out, take it out, take it out
And cleanse me
It's my desire to be right

Create in me
A clean heart
Create in me
The right spirit

I want to be right
I want to be whole

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Fuck it. Im a sinner. I know this. Everyone is a sinner. We all sin. Even those of us who are pretentious in our religious devotion are sinners cuz we think we are better than other sinners. Ok so that isnt me because I know I sin. I cuss, I lie occasionally, I have pre-marital sex, I watch porn and masturbate, I don't go to church like I should, I haven't tithed yet this year, I envy my friends who are in law/medical/graduate school, I think about ways in which I can get revenge on people, I pass judgement about most people I encounter.

I went a decade not believing in God. I believe now, and I believe in Jesus Christ as the risen savior. I acknowledge this and while I love to engage in relgious debate, I know these truths to be self-evident. I would never again deny this fact. Do I wish I were more Christ-like? Sure, why not. Honestly, though, I indulge in the pleasures of the flesh. Like most people, I eat to much, have entirely too much sex, drink too much, inhale things I shouldnt, I am addicted to tattoes and piercings, I eat pork (after years of not doing so), I eat meat and dairy together, I eat shellfish, I dont think gay poeple are evil and I think they should have the right to get married.

I believe now, but I still sin. I don't try to front like I'm super religious when I know Im living in sin daily. I often see people on the net talk a lot of stuff about God in one breath and sex in another. I see people giving God the glory and turning around going on and on about how much they love sex and freaky sex and how they wish they were having sex, etc. I mean hey, if that works for them, but I cant front. I know I talk about getting dick and such and yes, I enjoy it. I know I'm a sinner. Do I wish I was different? Yes. But since Im not, Im not going to misrepresent the name of God, and be like "yeah baby Im a superfreak, praise Gawd, praise Gawd"

The Lord Knows My Heart ---"Sinner's Anthem". This is the mantra of every willful sinner. "Well, I'mma go home tonight and suck some dick of some dude I just met, but the Lawd knows my heart, so He understands." What He understands is that you are a fraudulent sinner and full of shit. God is prolly looking at us like "These damn heathens!! They haven't learned yet!!"

How the hell yu partying on Friday and Saturday night and in the church Sunday morning falling out crying for forgiveness, knowing damn well you gonna be back in the club next week, in revealing clothing, trying to snag some pussy/dick? What part of the game is this? This is something I could never understand. This is partly why I have had this love/hate relationship with "CHURCH" as an institution. The people are so hypocritical, living wrong, etc.

I dated a Deacon. He cheated on me. *enter expletives here* Again, I ask, what part of the game is this?

We are only human--- "Sinner's Anthem" (The Remix) The excuse of everyone who falls. Chorus will go something like this:

Even though I sin
I know that I'm gonna win
Cuz I'm only human
And Im forgiven

Cuz Im a fast ass
And my sins wont last
Dont put me on blast
All this will pass

*take that take that...uh huh uh huh*

Right so... You won't see me thumping a Bible, telling who is right and who isnt. You wont see me out there fighting abortion or holding up signs that say "Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve". For one, I don't believe in Adam & Eve, and second, I have other things to think about besides the problems/issues of gay people.

I wont be quoting my favorite hard core rapper one minute and talking about how much I love the Lord. I'd rather deal with my own contradictions on a personal level, rather than display to the world how completely foolish I am in my way of life. Do these religious juggernauts not realize how silly they appear? I mean WOW.

I love gospel music. Ive been in about 4 or 5 gospel choirs in my lifetime. Ive had many a solo, where I have broken down in tears in front of an audience of hundreds or even thousands. I feel what I sing. Im sitting here listening to "Praise Is What I Do" and I fnd myself getting emotional. Not only because of my love for Jesus Christ and my appreciation for his sacrifice, but because I know Im not living right, and I cant seem to get off my ass and make things better. I am also thinking about the conflicts in my mind and heart and soul, about my devotion, belief, faith, my acts, my walks, etc.

In all of this, I know one thing. I hate phonies. I hate the people who go on and on about God and live the sinningest lives possible. I can make up a word if I want to, dammit because Im testifying here!! If you shout God's name more times while you are getting dicked down than you do in the sanctuary, there is a problem. I have this problem. God is used to hearing me call his name. God, Jesus, followed by "Oh fuck!!!" and "Oh Shit!!!" and "Oh God you are fucking the shit out of me!!!!"

Well ok so God isnt fucking me, but damn I couldnt imagine Him doing it any better. Is that blasphemy? Am I going to hell? I hope not, cuz I doubt Satan would let me bring my Fred Hammond, Hezekiah Walker, Donnie McClurkin, Shirley Caesar, and Clark Sisters music to hell. And I cannot live without my gospel music.

"The presence of the Lord is here!!!" *dancing in my seat at work*

People don't like me. Thats ok. *shrug* I dont like them *shrug* But dang, dont get on my bad side when your shit isnt tight.

Do ya think of Jesus when you sucking dick you aint married to?
Do ya think of God when ya shaking ya ass on the dance floor?
Do ya think of Jesus when you are busting an unprotected nut in some brawd you met last week?
Do ya think of God when you cheat on ya girlfriend/wife?
Do ya think of Jesus when you engage in Roman-like orgies?
Do ya think of God when you are talking about your favorite porn star?
Do ya think of Jesus when you engage in sexual conversation?
Do ya think of God when you gossip?

Hmph... I do. And I know I'm wrong. So does God.

One Day Imma figure it out...and I know He will be there to listen to me.