Complications
Danjaruz Depiction:
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation: Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
It is hard enough maintaining one's sanity in a world full of chaos and disorder. It is beyond difficult to wake up in the morning and be happy to see another day. It is sometimes painful to think about spending days by one's self, no love in one's life, no close friends. But the worst part of it all, is knowing that it should NOT be this way.
Why am I going through this battle? Inside, a war is being waged between my heart and mind. On the days my mind wins, I am miserable. On the days my heart wins, I am miserable. And confused. And dumbfounded. And outraged. While the mind fails miserably at the task of figuring out what the next move is, the heart, too, fails, and drags emotions through the mud in the process. At least the mind is isolated. The mind protects, locking hurt and disappointment into a small box, surrounded by walls. The heart, however, reaches every part of one's being. If the heart hurts, the mind, soul, spirit, will, and yes, body all hurt with it.
So I must decide. Do I continue operating from the heart or do I learn how to operate from the mind? From what I have witnessed with other people, operating from the mind is a cold, dark place. Letting nothing in, letting nothing out, isolated, insulated, protected, safe... From what I have experienced, operating from the heart is a raging, burning fire, destructive, engulfing pain. Taking everything in, letting everything out, having everything thrown right back...
I miss my friends. I hate that my friends are all over this country, instead of right near me. I wish I could just call one of them up and say "hey, lets go to the movies this weekend" or something of that nature. I wish I didn't have to rely on superficial conversations and empty social gatherings with people who do not FEEL me. I miss vibing, clowning, thinking, drinking, crying, reminiscing, pushing the envelope, digging deeper, bonding, building, all of the wonderful things the true friends do.
Instead, I sit away, lonely. Me, myself, and my protective mind. Speaking to myself, speaking in my mind, sinking in laziness, mind numbing, brain draining, will to continue on slipping away...
Danjaruz Haiku:
Needing my true friends
Life is a lonely prison
Diaphanous noise
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation: Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
It is hard enough maintaining one's sanity in a world full of chaos and disorder. It is beyond difficult to wake up in the morning and be happy to see another day. It is sometimes painful to think about spending days by one's self, no love in one's life, no close friends. But the worst part of it all, is knowing that it should NOT be this way.
Why am I going through this battle? Inside, a war is being waged between my heart and mind. On the days my mind wins, I am miserable. On the days my heart wins, I am miserable. And confused. And dumbfounded. And outraged. While the mind fails miserably at the task of figuring out what the next move is, the heart, too, fails, and drags emotions through the mud in the process. At least the mind is isolated. The mind protects, locking hurt and disappointment into a small box, surrounded by walls. The heart, however, reaches every part of one's being. If the heart hurts, the mind, soul, spirit, will, and yes, body all hurt with it.
So I must decide. Do I continue operating from the heart or do I learn how to operate from the mind? From what I have witnessed with other people, operating from the mind is a cold, dark place. Letting nothing in, letting nothing out, isolated, insulated, protected, safe... From what I have experienced, operating from the heart is a raging, burning fire, destructive, engulfing pain. Taking everything in, letting everything out, having everything thrown right back...
I miss my friends. I hate that my friends are all over this country, instead of right near me. I wish I could just call one of them up and say "hey, lets go to the movies this weekend" or something of that nature. I wish I didn't have to rely on superficial conversations and empty social gatherings with people who do not FEEL me. I miss vibing, clowning, thinking, drinking, crying, reminiscing, pushing the envelope, digging deeper, bonding, building, all of the wonderful things the true friends do.
Instead, I sit away, lonely. Me, myself, and my protective mind. Speaking to myself, speaking in my mind, sinking in laziness, mind numbing, brain draining, will to continue on slipping away...
Danjaruz Haiku:
Needing my true friends
Life is a lonely prison
Diaphanous noise
posted by MBT4679 at 10/29/2004 09:58:00 AM
2 Comments:
Let me begin by saying you are a great writer. The way you expressed yourself is truly a work of art.
My unsolicited advice...find a balance. Your absolutely right in that people who work from their mind tend to be a bit cold..and well us heart people...we oftentimes end up hearbroken. The balance between the two gives you enough warmth to genuinely enjoy life while giving yourself "just enough wall" to protect your delicate heart.
Its never simple, thats why its a journey. A journey to oneself.
i like that!
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