Danjaruz Year In Review
Danja Year In Review
2004
HIGHS:
(^ = see "LOWS" for more information)
*I finally received the hard copy of my degree after finally being able to pay off my tuition bill. It came in the mail and I was so excited. I opened it and realized I could have printed it myself and saved myself $17,000.
*Becoming "pre-diabetic" as opposed to "diabetic", meaning I lost enough weight and got my blood sugar levels regulated long enough to be out of that range.
*Had a boyfriend for most of the year. This was a record making year for me. I was consistantly involved with a man for more than 6 months. ^
*Got a cat named Gizmo "Booga Bear" Valentine. Boogz has become the companion I did not know I needed until I got him. I do not refer to him as simply my cat. He is known only as my son or "the boy"
*People of color increased their voter registration, fueled by entertainment media hype and "encouragement" (inspiring a CLASSIC South Park Clip that can be heard here
"I like it when you vote bitch, shake them titties when you vote bitch..."
Some of them even bothered to vote. ^
*A sista won America's Next Top Model.
*I got a job that came with a significant increase in my income. I can also wear whatever I want to said job and I have the coolest supervisor in the WORLD. ^
*Had my first, real, all-out,gushing, exploding orgasm brought on purely by vaginal penetration and without any other "tools" or stimulation.
*Lost a lot of weight.
*Made a couple of new female friends.^
*Got my apartment to look like someone actually lives here, although I need to work on my decor (buying up IKEA does NOT constitute serious decoration).
*Got a complete gym (Pro treadmill, weight bench, full set of free weights and barbell, and an all-in-one set-up) for FREE.
*I realized what it meant to truly be in love with someone, to even believe he is/was the "one". ^
*I became more open-minded when it came to the type of men I allow myself to date, at least the physical things. Ive dated men with children, men under 6'5, men under 300lbs, men who arent darker than me, men who arent bald, men who do not live alone, etc. ^
*I reconnected with some friends I'd begun to lose connection with; people I value entirely too much to let go because of misunderstanding or distance or confusion or whatever. This has proven to be great because the time I have spent with these people has done wonders for my spirit, my well-being, and my focus on life.
LOWS:
*Found out the man with whom I have had the longest relationship cheated on me not long after my birthday. I found this out AFTER we broke up. I broke up with him because I knew he was not the "one". I knew it the entire time, but I got to the point where I could not live the lie anymore. My instincts were right; he had cheated on me.
*Bush was re-elected into office. Despite the efforts of various campaigns, Bush was the victorious one.
*I quit a job that had decent pay, because I wanted to write a book. Because of the aforementioned break-up, I had to go back to full-time work to live. Luckily, I got a gig paying almost $10,000 more than the old one. Now I am working on a career, working on becoming a public school teacher.
*The Tsunami that has killed about 150,000 people as we know right now. How catastrophic was that? What's worse is that the region was plagued by poverty, AIDS, and sexual slavery of young girls. Hmmm, makes one wonder why this happened?
*Realized that BITCHES (yes I am referring to a certain league of women) aint SHIT. Well, I pretty much knew this before, but having it reiterated yet again this year was harsh because I was just getting to the point of believing women had "friend" potential. Aside from the "mannish" female friends I have, women aint shit. interestingly enough, 99% of my female friends have more masculine characteristics, at least in the way (we) process things mentally, emotionally, rationally, etc. Our mannerisms arent as feminine as some might like, and we really could give a fuck. I cant mess with the prissy prissy chicks (except for Marcela because she is an Aries born 41 hours before me... prissy HEFFA!!! lol love ya)
*I thought I knew who the "one" was/is, I love(d) him, yet although he claims/ claimed to return the sentiment, my gut (and heart) told me this was not true. Wanna talk about devastation? lol. Yeah I can laugh about it now because I'm a dumbass for believing that my feelings could ever be returned.(there's only one dude who has ever loved me anyway) Well at least he got some pussy, that's probably all he wanted anyway. Ahh well. I should be used to this by now.
*Although I began to be more open with the men I date, this leads to me being less of a priority. I am just not special enough to anyone. Im the "friend" or the arm candy, the trophy piece, and the good pussy. Girls like me dont get the gifts or the "just because" cards/flowers/special dates. We get the late night calls and visits, the kisses in the dark, and the non chalance in public. I'm sick of the non-chalance. I am sick of the "distance". I am sick of the "let's see what happens" and the "that is a possibility". Dating casually means casual feelings. I'm having a very hard time adjusting to that, although I am trying to work on it. As a passionate Aries, that is VERY hard to reconcile. We are all or nothing people. If we cant have it all, we leave it at nothing. Whether it is getting visits after midnight, phone calls not returned until convenient for the other person, being the "Plan B" as in "If A doesnt work out, I could possibly come see you". The low point: allowing myself to sink into that and not having the will power to say "no thank you". Well, my hope is that in the coming year, I will develop that will power and stop accepting less than respectful, prioritizing treatment.
*Stalling in my book. This isnt completely my fault. The subject/focus of my book has become too busy to meet with me regularly enough to help me gather the information/details I need. Plus working two jobs doesnt leave much room for writing, cept in this blog.
*Got REALLY pissy drunk at a party to the point where I forgot some things that happened. I told myself I would never do that again, after having blacked out in college more than once, but because of all of the shit I'd been through this year, I sought escape in alcohol. That was terrible. Got screamed on in the middle of the street like a child needing discipline. Couldnt drive myself home. Twisted my ankle and fell in the middle of the street. Had to hear stories about myself for the following week.
*There was a lot of death. Seemed like for a few weeks, everytime I turned around, someone was dying, someone I knew, someone close to me. It was overwhelming.
HOPE FOR THE NEW YEAR:
*Get this teaching job in Baltimore
*Get a car
*Lose more weight
*Clear up my skin
*reconnect with distant friends, friends with whom I have lost touch, and build stronger relationships with people I love
*Reel in all of the emotional lines I have cast into the universe; I need to be more focused on the inside of ME.
*Find a nice guy to spend some real time with, real dates, interesting conversation, someone to make me feel special, like I'm a priority, someone unafraid to show affection in public, someone who enjoys me in more than a casual homegirl kind of way, wants me around and not as an alternative to other plans, someone to make me laugh, someone not so consumed with his work that he has no room for me, someone who won't fight his feelings for me, someone who wants to build a relationship with me or at least work towards it with gusto. If not, then I'd rather my interactions with men be no more than great sex, on a regular basis would be a plus. I mean, these ARE men I am talking about, and if I cannot have the former, all they are good for IS the latter.
*Stop concerning myself with having a dude in my life. Although my instincts are leading me towards building a family, I have to realize it isnt meant for everyone. Maybe it isnt meant for me? *shrug*
All-or-nothing Aries, remember?
2004
HIGHS:
(^ = see "LOWS" for more information)
*I finally received the hard copy of my degree after finally being able to pay off my tuition bill. It came in the mail and I was so excited. I opened it and realized I could have printed it myself and saved myself $17,000.
*Becoming "pre-diabetic" as opposed to "diabetic", meaning I lost enough weight and got my blood sugar levels regulated long enough to be out of that range.
*Had a boyfriend for most of the year. This was a record making year for me. I was consistantly involved with a man for more than 6 months. ^
*Got a cat named Gizmo "Booga Bear" Valentine. Boogz has become the companion I did not know I needed until I got him. I do not refer to him as simply my cat. He is known only as my son or "the boy"
*People of color increased their voter registration, fueled by entertainment media hype and "encouragement" (inspiring a CLASSIC South Park Clip that can be heard here
"I like it when you vote bitch, shake them titties when you vote bitch..."
Some of them even bothered to vote. ^
*A sista won America's Next Top Model.
*I got a job that came with a significant increase in my income. I can also wear whatever I want to said job and I have the coolest supervisor in the WORLD. ^
*Had my first, real, all-out,gushing, exploding orgasm brought on purely by vaginal penetration and without any other "tools" or stimulation.
*Lost a lot of weight.
*Made a couple of new female friends.^
*Got my apartment to look like someone actually lives here, although I need to work on my decor (buying up IKEA does NOT constitute serious decoration).
*Got a complete gym (Pro treadmill, weight bench, full set of free weights and barbell, and an all-in-one set-up) for FREE.
*I realized what it meant to truly be in love with someone, to even believe he is/was the "one". ^
*I became more open-minded when it came to the type of men I allow myself to date, at least the physical things. Ive dated men with children, men under 6'5, men under 300lbs, men who arent darker than me, men who arent bald, men who do not live alone, etc. ^
*I reconnected with some friends I'd begun to lose connection with; people I value entirely too much to let go because of misunderstanding or distance or confusion or whatever. This has proven to be great because the time I have spent with these people has done wonders for my spirit, my well-being, and my focus on life.
LOWS:
*Found out the man with whom I have had the longest relationship cheated on me not long after my birthday. I found this out AFTER we broke up. I broke up with him because I knew he was not the "one". I knew it the entire time, but I got to the point where I could not live the lie anymore. My instincts were right; he had cheated on me.
*Bush was re-elected into office. Despite the efforts of various campaigns, Bush was the victorious one.
*I quit a job that had decent pay, because I wanted to write a book. Because of the aforementioned break-up, I had to go back to full-time work to live. Luckily, I got a gig paying almost $10,000 more than the old one. Now I am working on a career, working on becoming a public school teacher.
*The Tsunami that has killed about 150,000 people as we know right now. How catastrophic was that? What's worse is that the region was plagued by poverty, AIDS, and sexual slavery of young girls. Hmmm, makes one wonder why this happened?
*Realized that BITCHES (yes I am referring to a certain league of women) aint SHIT. Well, I pretty much knew this before, but having it reiterated yet again this year was harsh because I was just getting to the point of believing women had "friend" potential. Aside from the "mannish" female friends I have, women aint shit. interestingly enough, 99% of my female friends have more masculine characteristics, at least in the way (we) process things mentally, emotionally, rationally, etc. Our mannerisms arent as feminine as some might like, and we really could give a fuck. I cant mess with the prissy prissy chicks (except for Marcela because she is an Aries born 41 hours before me... prissy HEFFA!!! lol love ya)
*I thought I knew who the "one" was/is, I love(d) him, yet although he claims/ claimed to return the sentiment, my gut (and heart) told me this was not true. Wanna talk about devastation? lol. Yeah I can laugh about it now because I'm a dumbass for believing that my feelings could ever be returned.(there's only one dude who has ever loved me anyway) Well at least he got some pussy, that's probably all he wanted anyway. Ahh well. I should be used to this by now.
*Although I began to be more open with the men I date, this leads to me being less of a priority. I am just not special enough to anyone. Im the "friend" or the arm candy, the trophy piece, and the good pussy. Girls like me dont get the gifts or the "just because" cards/flowers/special dates. We get the late night calls and visits, the kisses in the dark, and the non chalance in public. I'm sick of the non-chalance. I am sick of the "distance". I am sick of the "let's see what happens" and the "that is a possibility". Dating casually means casual feelings. I'm having a very hard time adjusting to that, although I am trying to work on it. As a passionate Aries, that is VERY hard to reconcile. We are all or nothing people. If we cant have it all, we leave it at nothing. Whether it is getting visits after midnight, phone calls not returned until convenient for the other person, being the "Plan B" as in "If A doesnt work out, I could possibly come see you". The low point: allowing myself to sink into that and not having the will power to say "no thank you". Well, my hope is that in the coming year, I will develop that will power and stop accepting less than respectful, prioritizing treatment.
*Stalling in my book. This isnt completely my fault. The subject/focus of my book has become too busy to meet with me regularly enough to help me gather the information/details I need. Plus working two jobs doesnt leave much room for writing, cept in this blog.
*Got REALLY pissy drunk at a party to the point where I forgot some things that happened. I told myself I would never do that again, after having blacked out in college more than once, but because of all of the shit I'd been through this year, I sought escape in alcohol. That was terrible. Got screamed on in the middle of the street like a child needing discipline. Couldnt drive myself home. Twisted my ankle and fell in the middle of the street. Had to hear stories about myself for the following week.
*There was a lot of death. Seemed like for a few weeks, everytime I turned around, someone was dying, someone I knew, someone close to me. It was overwhelming.
HOPE FOR THE NEW YEAR:
*Get this teaching job in Baltimore
*Get a car
*Lose more weight
*Clear up my skin
*reconnect with distant friends, friends with whom I have lost touch, and build stronger relationships with people I love
*Reel in all of the emotional lines I have cast into the universe; I need to be more focused on the inside of ME.
*Find a nice guy to spend some real time with, real dates, interesting conversation, someone to make me feel special, like I'm a priority, someone unafraid to show affection in public, someone who enjoys me in more than a casual homegirl kind of way, wants me around and not as an alternative to other plans, someone to make me laugh, someone not so consumed with his work that he has no room for me, someone who won't fight his feelings for me, someone who wants to build a relationship with me or at least work towards it with gusto. If not, then I'd rather my interactions with men be no more than great sex, on a regular basis would be a plus. I mean, these ARE men I am talking about, and if I cannot have the former, all they are good for IS the latter.
*Stop concerning myself with having a dude in my life. Although my instincts are leading me towards building a family, I have to realize it isnt meant for everyone. Maybe it isnt meant for me? *shrug*
All-or-nothing Aries, remember?
posted by MBT4679 at 1/01/2005 06:43:00 PM
1 Comments:
"*Becoming "pre-diabetic" as opposed to "diabetic", meaning I lost enough weight and got my blood sugar levels regulated long enough to be out of that range."
Congrats. You've done yourself, your family and your future children a great kindness and saved yourself a lot of money.
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