So Much...
Danjaruz Demeanor:
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation: Sooooo Anxious....
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Well today I am going shopping to get him some things that he needs. The basics, nothing special. They only allow certain items anyway and I will have my list with me. I know it is only for a short time, but I want him to be as comfortable as possible.
Keeping busy keeps me from bugging out. I cannot remember ever feeling anything like this in my life. He promised to pay me back, but he still doesnt get it. He doesnt understand that I would walk to the ends of the earth for him, to make him happy, and to make him comfortable. I do that for people I care about. It is who I am. He cannot take that from me, with his suggestion of paying me back. It is almost insulting. He doesnt want to admit that me being here for him makes him feel better. He doesnt want to need anyone; he thinks he can do all of this alone. He can't. He doesn't have to because he has people, like me, who love him and will do whatever it takes to help him out.
I was glad that we had the chance to have the conversation that we had before this whole thing happened. We were able to talk about real things, real feelings, real ideas. I told him to stop trying to "protect" me. I told him that things are what they are. He knows that I am there for him and he can depend on me for anything. That is what friends are for, real friends.
Had to call his parents. That was weird. Not bad, definitely positive. I could hear their relief when they got news about him and his whereabouts. I could tell that they had been waiting anxiously. It felt good to be able to ease their anxiety. I spoke with his father last night and his mother this morning. They thanked me for contacting them and I explained everything that I was going to do for him. I wanted them to know that I am looking out for their son and that he will be okay.
Need to go get ready and go buy the things he needs: underwear, sweatsuits, socks, shoes, slippers, maybe a light jacket. He can only buy toiletries inside, so I will leave him some money.
I have to mentally prepare for the visit tomorrow. ON the trip, I will meditate and focus. He needs to see me strong and positive. He doesn't need to see that this is tearing me up inside. I feel so helpless. I want to do more, but I cannot and that is KILLING me slowly.
Danjaruz Haiku:
I miss you, sweetie
I am coming to see you
You will see me soon
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation: Sooooo Anxious....
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Well today I am going shopping to get him some things that he needs. The basics, nothing special. They only allow certain items anyway and I will have my list with me. I know it is only for a short time, but I want him to be as comfortable as possible.
Keeping busy keeps me from bugging out. I cannot remember ever feeling anything like this in my life. He promised to pay me back, but he still doesnt get it. He doesnt understand that I would walk to the ends of the earth for him, to make him happy, and to make him comfortable. I do that for people I care about. It is who I am. He cannot take that from me, with his suggestion of paying me back. It is almost insulting. He doesnt want to admit that me being here for him makes him feel better. He doesnt want to need anyone; he thinks he can do all of this alone. He can't. He doesn't have to because he has people, like me, who love him and will do whatever it takes to help him out.
I was glad that we had the chance to have the conversation that we had before this whole thing happened. We were able to talk about real things, real feelings, real ideas. I told him to stop trying to "protect" me. I told him that things are what they are. He knows that I am there for him and he can depend on me for anything. That is what friends are for, real friends.
Had to call his parents. That was weird. Not bad, definitely positive. I could hear their relief when they got news about him and his whereabouts. I could tell that they had been waiting anxiously. It felt good to be able to ease their anxiety. I spoke with his father last night and his mother this morning. They thanked me for contacting them and I explained everything that I was going to do for him. I wanted them to know that I am looking out for their son and that he will be okay.
Need to go get ready and go buy the things he needs: underwear, sweatsuits, socks, shoes, slippers, maybe a light jacket. He can only buy toiletries inside, so I will leave him some money.
I have to mentally prepare for the visit tomorrow. ON the trip, I will meditate and focus. He needs to see me strong and positive. He doesn't need to see that this is tearing me up inside. I feel so helpless. I want to do more, but I cannot and that is KILLING me slowly.
Danjaruz Haiku:
I miss you, sweetie
I am coming to see you
You will see me soon
posted by MBT4679 at 1/08/2005 01:32:00 PM
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