Why me?
Danjaruz Demeanor:
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
I find it hard to say, that everything is alright... Don't look at me that way, like everything is alright
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Just when I thought things were getting better and looking up for me, everything came crashing down. My heart has been crushed, my dreams put on hold once again, and life is kicking me in the ass.
I was offered a spot in the B'more teaching residency program, and everything began to seem real. I had a plan, and I was going to follow it. I was on my way to becoming a teacher, getting a master's degree, and beginning life for real.
Yesterday, I spoke with the director of the program who told me that, after final review, I fell short of the requirements to teach elementary school. She said that the grades I received in the two science classes I needed were not good enough. She said I needed a B- average, and I have a C+ average. She said that they did not catch that initially.
What hurts the most, is that they offered me the job and took it away. I would have preferred they reject me initially, instead of handing me the job and snatching it back. I was prepared to not be accepted, because of the fact that my transcipt was not great in the science department. Im not a physical science person. I did the minimum I could to meet my college requirements for my degree, but that was it. My degree is in Sociology and African-American studies. This is mostly social science, english, and history. And of course, I do not have enough of history or english to be able to teach secondary school. She said that all I have to do is take the classes at a local community college, get the credits and the average, and re-apply. But the thing is, this program was a back door of sorts. If I take these classes, I can simply apply to teach here in NY through and alternative program here.
I think that is what I am going to do. God has a plan for me, I do not know why He is preventing me from going to Baltimore, but there must be a reason. I dont know what is in store for me, but I pray for the faith to follow the path God has mapped out for me. I am blessed in that I have a well-paying job, a roof over my head, and finally I have friends in the area. I have finally been getting adjusted to living on my own here in NYC, making friends, socializing, etc. My current job lasts until September of 2006, so that gives me about 18 months to get all of my stuff together.
*Finish taking these NY state exams. I passed the LAST already, so I just need to take the ATS-W and some content specialty tests.
*Take these science classes. Hopefully I can afford to do this this summer and do well.
*Gather all of the materials I need to apply directly to the BOE using an alternat route. Sumbit the application and wait for processing. NY claims to need 30,000 teachers but they also claim to have a 26 week application processing delay.
*Hopefully receive provisional certification and be able to find a job teaching here in the city.
I think I can do all of this in 18 months. I am definitely going to try my damndest. I will focus on my future, take this as a minor set-back, and keep on going. With everything I have been through in my life, I think I should be able to get past this. I know there are people who support me and are looking out for me. Without these people, I think I would fall apart. Thank you Mom, Pumpkin, Melanie, Dawn, AJ, Cherise, Vikki, Sean, and everyone else who is in my corner, helping me and supporting me as I keep reaching towards my goal of being in front of the classroom. I couldn't continue on without your love and support.
Just bear with me folks. This is a hard time for me. I cant seem to stop the tears from falling. I dont want to be alone, but I dont want to burden anyone with my sadness. Im hurting so much. Why do these things always happen to me?
It is at times like this, that I wish I was in a real relationship. I wish I had someone to whom I could turn, bury my head in his chest and cry, as he rubs my back, kisses me on my forehead, and tells me that he loves me and that we will get through this together. I wish I did not have to be at home, right now, alone, crying into my pillow, typing all of my emotions for the world to see. At times like this I wish I had someone to call my own. It would be nice to have a solid rock in my corner. Why does it seem like everyone wants a piece of me, but no one wants all of me? What is so bad about me, that no one wants to jump at the chance to call me their own? I was going to go to Baltimore, throw myself into teaching and school, and not have to think about that part of my life.
Now I have no escape...
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
I find it hard to say, that everything is alright... Don't look at me that way, like everything is alright
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Just when I thought things were getting better and looking up for me, everything came crashing down. My heart has been crushed, my dreams put on hold once again, and life is kicking me in the ass.
I was offered a spot in the B'more teaching residency program, and everything began to seem real. I had a plan, and I was going to follow it. I was on my way to becoming a teacher, getting a master's degree, and beginning life for real.
Yesterday, I spoke with the director of the program who told me that, after final review, I fell short of the requirements to teach elementary school. She said that the grades I received in the two science classes I needed were not good enough. She said I needed a B- average, and I have a C+ average. She said that they did not catch that initially.
What hurts the most, is that they offered me the job and took it away. I would have preferred they reject me initially, instead of handing me the job and snatching it back. I was prepared to not be accepted, because of the fact that my transcipt was not great in the science department. Im not a physical science person. I did the minimum I could to meet my college requirements for my degree, but that was it. My degree is in Sociology and African-American studies. This is mostly social science, english, and history. And of course, I do not have enough of history or english to be able to teach secondary school. She said that all I have to do is take the classes at a local community college, get the credits and the average, and re-apply. But the thing is, this program was a back door of sorts. If I take these classes, I can simply apply to teach here in NY through and alternative program here.
I think that is what I am going to do. God has a plan for me, I do not know why He is preventing me from going to Baltimore, but there must be a reason. I dont know what is in store for me, but I pray for the faith to follow the path God has mapped out for me. I am blessed in that I have a well-paying job, a roof over my head, and finally I have friends in the area. I have finally been getting adjusted to living on my own here in NYC, making friends, socializing, etc. My current job lasts until September of 2006, so that gives me about 18 months to get all of my stuff together.
*Finish taking these NY state exams. I passed the LAST already, so I just need to take the ATS-W and some content specialty tests.
*Take these science classes. Hopefully I can afford to do this this summer and do well.
*Gather all of the materials I need to apply directly to the BOE using an alternat route. Sumbit the application and wait for processing. NY claims to need 30,000 teachers but they also claim to have a 26 week application processing delay.
*Hopefully receive provisional certification and be able to find a job teaching here in the city.
I think I can do all of this in 18 months. I am definitely going to try my damndest. I will focus on my future, take this as a minor set-back, and keep on going. With everything I have been through in my life, I think I should be able to get past this. I know there are people who support me and are looking out for me. Without these people, I think I would fall apart. Thank you Mom, Pumpkin, Melanie, Dawn, AJ, Cherise, Vikki, Sean, and everyone else who is in my corner, helping me and supporting me as I keep reaching towards my goal of being in front of the classroom. I couldn't continue on without your love and support.
Just bear with me folks. This is a hard time for me. I cant seem to stop the tears from falling. I dont want to be alone, but I dont want to burden anyone with my sadness. Im hurting so much. Why do these things always happen to me?
It is at times like this, that I wish I was in a real relationship. I wish I had someone to whom I could turn, bury my head in his chest and cry, as he rubs my back, kisses me on my forehead, and tells me that he loves me and that we will get through this together. I wish I did not have to be at home, right now, alone, crying into my pillow, typing all of my emotions for the world to see. At times like this I wish I had someone to call my own. It would be nice to have a solid rock in my corner. Why does it seem like everyone wants a piece of me, but no one wants all of me? What is so bad about me, that no one wants to jump at the chance to call me their own? I was going to go to Baltimore, throw myself into teaching and school, and not have to think about that part of my life.
Now I have no escape...
posted by MBT4679 at 2/12/2005 02:14:00 PM
3 Comments:
Dag, when I IM'd you yesterday and you were so down I had a feeling that it had something to do with your new teaching job. I'm really sorry to hear about what happened sis.
I know that you have a stable of folks that you're obviously much closer to than you are with me, but if you didn't know before, if you ever want to talk I'll certainly try to make myself available.
- Curt from ISB
I'm sorry that it did not work out! I know that you wanted it really bad! You are a talented and gifted young woman with everything in front of you! This is your path and I know that it will lead you to great things! Hang in there!
As your homegirl...ghetto soul twin and 9th ward road dawg...you KNOW there is something better waiting. Just be patient and listen for what it is. You accomplished it once, so you most CERTAINLY will do it a second time. Or maybe, there will be something else presented, something you didn't even expect.
I could throw some cheerful cliches at you, but you know that's not how we do. So I'll give you the BEST advice I can muster. Cuss out everyone that pisses you off until you feel better...or watch Cheaters...their lives SUCK!!!
Smooches
Mel the Maverick!
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