A Blog For You
Danjaruz Demeanor:
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
Well you came and open me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you....
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
I have been searching for something for a long time and I know now what it was. Friendship. Yes, I do have friends, but I have been seeking a certain type of friendship. Maybe a replacement for Chris. I reflect so much on how special he made me feel, just by being my friend. No requirements, no drama, no he said/she said, no confusion, no demands, no abuse, not stress or strain. Just friendship and love.
There will never be a replacement for Chris. I know this now. He will always own that part of my heart and my being that no one else will ever reach. He will always be there with me, no matter what I go through. The thing is, I feel like I can move on, finally. It has taken so many years, but for the first time, I feel that I can move on. Not let him go, because I will never let him go. But I can continue on, now.
I have a new friend. In the short time we have known each other, I feel that he is geniuine. Sometimes, you just get that feeling, deep in your soul, when your soul recognizes a kindred spirit. There is no amount of time that can limit this connection, be it 3 minutes or 3 years, you eventually KNOW that this is someone real and pure. I have gone through so much pain, not only recently, but so much in the past few years. I can now see that a lot of the problems I have had with men have been related to me being stuck in a black hole of emotion, waiting for Chris to come back to me. I know this wont ever happen, but I have been known to expect the impossible. I have been seeking that type of purity for a long time, and coming up short each and every time.
I have a new friend, with whom I have connected on a pure level in a short time. I know in my soul he wont abuse me, hurt me, use me, toss me away. He has no ulterior motives. I know that he is not going anywhere. I know that through all of the nonsense that I been dealing with lately, he has shone through. He accepts me as I am, and he genuinely cares, and I havent felt that from a man in a very long time. I havent been able to look into a man's eyes and feel genuine care and concern, not just lust, desire, amusement, distance, confusion, etc. He listens, he talks, he sees ME. He looks into my eyes and KNOWS me, without me having to say a word.
No, I am not placing my happiness in a man. Those days are over, I believe. I am a work in progress, and it is hard work. I am opening myself up and exposing myself to the world, and in doing so, I am making myself vulnerable. I am recognizing thigns about myself that I do not like, things that I love, and things that I need to work on. This is a sensitive time for me, and I am still stuck at this crossroads. I thought I knew which way to go, which ways I was headed, but now I'm back. Ironically, I have been meeting new people, making new connections, and actually planting my feet in the ground. This is the silver lining I believe.
What I have realized is that there has been a lot missing in my life. Soft whispers, loving caresses, good listeners, bright smiles, "I miss you"s, "I was just thinking about you"s, inside jokes, etc. Since, Chris, I haven't had a male friend with whom I have not been physically intimate with, or who hasn't had tried to date me or had feelings for me, or who I didnt have "feelings" for, etc. That is problematic, and speaks a lot about my connections with people, men specifically. Why haven't I been able to do this? Maybe now is the new chance I been looking for. Maybe now, I can do the right thing, and have someone in my life in the right way.
I know this much. No one has made me feel so good, so beautiful, and so special in a very long time.
Thank you
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
Well you came and open me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you....
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
I have been searching for something for a long time and I know now what it was. Friendship. Yes, I do have friends, but I have been seeking a certain type of friendship. Maybe a replacement for Chris. I reflect so much on how special he made me feel, just by being my friend. No requirements, no drama, no he said/she said, no confusion, no demands, no abuse, not stress or strain. Just friendship and love.
There will never be a replacement for Chris. I know this now. He will always own that part of my heart and my being that no one else will ever reach. He will always be there with me, no matter what I go through. The thing is, I feel like I can move on, finally. It has taken so many years, but for the first time, I feel that I can move on. Not let him go, because I will never let him go. But I can continue on, now.
I have a new friend. In the short time we have known each other, I feel that he is geniuine. Sometimes, you just get that feeling, deep in your soul, when your soul recognizes a kindred spirit. There is no amount of time that can limit this connection, be it 3 minutes or 3 years, you eventually KNOW that this is someone real and pure. I have gone through so much pain, not only recently, but so much in the past few years. I can now see that a lot of the problems I have had with men have been related to me being stuck in a black hole of emotion, waiting for Chris to come back to me. I know this wont ever happen, but I have been known to expect the impossible. I have been seeking that type of purity for a long time, and coming up short each and every time.
I have a new friend, with whom I have connected on a pure level in a short time. I know in my soul he wont abuse me, hurt me, use me, toss me away. He has no ulterior motives. I know that he is not going anywhere. I know that through all of the nonsense that I been dealing with lately, he has shone through. He accepts me as I am, and he genuinely cares, and I havent felt that from a man in a very long time. I havent been able to look into a man's eyes and feel genuine care and concern, not just lust, desire, amusement, distance, confusion, etc. He listens, he talks, he sees ME. He looks into my eyes and KNOWS me, without me having to say a word.
No, I am not placing my happiness in a man. Those days are over, I believe. I am a work in progress, and it is hard work. I am opening myself up and exposing myself to the world, and in doing so, I am making myself vulnerable. I am recognizing thigns about myself that I do not like, things that I love, and things that I need to work on. This is a sensitive time for me, and I am still stuck at this crossroads. I thought I knew which way to go, which ways I was headed, but now I'm back. Ironically, I have been meeting new people, making new connections, and actually planting my feet in the ground. This is the silver lining I believe.
What I have realized is that there has been a lot missing in my life. Soft whispers, loving caresses, good listeners, bright smiles, "I miss you"s, "I was just thinking about you"s, inside jokes, etc. Since, Chris, I haven't had a male friend with whom I have not been physically intimate with, or who hasn't had tried to date me or had feelings for me, or who I didnt have "feelings" for, etc. That is problematic, and speaks a lot about my connections with people, men specifically. Why haven't I been able to do this? Maybe now is the new chance I been looking for. Maybe now, I can do the right thing, and have someone in my life in the right way.
I know this much. No one has made me feel so good, so beautiful, and so special in a very long time.
Thank you
posted by MBT4679 at 2/20/2005 09:05:00 PM
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