De-FAT-netizing Myself
Danjaruz Demeanor:
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Yo. Im fat. For real though. I am fat. I used to be so ashamed of being fat. Now I just have issues with my culture of fatness. Allow me to explain.
Ashamed of being Fat:
-Don't like the way my body looks or is shaped.
-Don't like looking in the mirror
-Embarassed because I cannot fit into some spaces like narrow chairs or roller coaster rides at Great Adventure.
-Lamenting over the need to lose weight
-Can't shop at regular stores because the extended plus sized clothes are only carried in certain stores.
-Embarassed when people stare at me with disgust or like they have jokes in their heads.
Now see, it has been a long time since I have felt this way because I have lost a considerable amount of weight in the past couple of years. I love the way my body is shaped now, with my glorious height, womanly hips, narrow waist, supple breasts (yeah...I said "supple" dammit), shapely calves (distinctive from my ankles, no "cankles" here folks!), etc. I love looking in the mirror, but I dont think I ever had that problem before. I can fit into pretty much every chair I try to, although I haven't been back to Great Adventures since I was bigger. I still lament over the need to lose weight, because I want to be healthier and live a long life. I can shop at most department stores now, and although I still shop at big girl stores, I'm not looking for the biggest sizes anymore. People never exactly glared at me frequently, but there were times in my life when I felt like someone was sneering at me as I squeezed into a seat on the train. Now I get even more people staring at me, but the responses are positive. They have usually been positive from men, but men stare with the eyes of their dicks, and pussy is pussy is pussy. But now people ask me if I model (or ask me to model for a line they are designing or what have you) and compliment me and such. It is quite interesting to say the least.
Ashamed of my Culture of Fatness:
-I love food so much and I love eating very rich, calorie saturated foods.
-I am currently pre-diabetic. I was "full blown" diabetic a couple of years ago and was on medications. But I lost weight and my doc took me off the meds. I know that I have to eat healthy to reduce the risk of crossing the threshold, but I dont always do this.
-I have gotten comfortable in the skin I am in. I figure since Im a lil slimmer, have great clothes, attract men, and don't have to take meds, I can do whatever I want, in terms of eating.
-I havent worked out for real in a long time. What's worse is that as I type this, I can raise my head and see a weight bench, free weights, a treadmill, and an all-in-one gym
-When I see people I havent seen in a while, they say "Wow you look great, you are losing weight" and I feel all special and shit. Why arent we motivated to work out and eat right when people tell us we look great?
-My favorite pasttime is laying in my bed...asleep.
-I envy my fat ass orange tabby cat for being able to sleep 20 hours a day.
-After I eat, I get mad at myself.
-I have to struggle very hard to walk past every Dunkin Donuts, krispy kreme, and cold Stone Creamery. Not because I even like sweets, cuz I really don't. I believe that fat people are just drawn to these establishments by some magnetic fat sensor they have attached to the doors.
-I drop stuff on the floor and my fat ass is too lazy to bend over and pick it up, so I'm like "eh" and I keep walking.
These are examples of the culture of fatness. So many blind people say to me "Oh you aren't fat, you're thick". That's that "I want some pussy" bullshit silk that men wear and try to drape over me. Why? Because they don't like admitting that they like "FAT" women, so they come up with these more socially acceptable terms like "Thick" or "Fuller-Figured" to be more comfortable. Well anyway, I'm fat. Not as fat as I used to be, and not so fat that I am ashamed of being fat. I DO have a Culture of Fatness though, that has permeated and taken over my daily life.
I mean, I know that in the past week I have consumed enough greasy calories to equal about 2 lbs and I know I worked off about 1 lb of that just walking and moving around throughout my travels. But 1 lb a week is NOT good.
I can't motivate myself to walk 7 steps to my treadmill, plug the sucka in, and hop my fat ass on it for 20 minutes. I used to be SO good at this stuff. I used to work out 4-5 times a week, for like 2 hours.
I have gotten comfortable where I am and that isnt good. I need to continue to work out, eat better, and stop allowing my mental fatness to mess up all the progress I have made.
When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a way for me to track my weight loss and hold myself accountable. Well, I am going to get back to that. The pharmacy near my job ordered a scale for me, one of those digital onces that goes up to 500 lbs. I just did a big grocery shopping and I am working on cooking more at home and taking food to work, instead of ordering from the diner around the corner (I can save money too). I am going to stay more to myself, because I find when I hang out with folks, I'm more likely to eat unhealthy or be distracted from working out. This cannot go on.
My culture of fatness has my house looking a mess. That sucks. I've become so lazy. I think my culture of fatness is interfering with my motivation and drive to continue on with grad school. It is becoming less about my size and more about mental lazy fatness.
This sucks ass.
Danjaruz Haiku:
Yo, I am so fat
I got a phat ass...and gut
I am too lazy
Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Yo. Im fat. For real though. I am fat. I used to be so ashamed of being fat. Now I just have issues with my culture of fatness. Allow me to explain.
Ashamed of being Fat:
-Don't like the way my body looks or is shaped.
-Don't like looking in the mirror
-Embarassed because I cannot fit into some spaces like narrow chairs or roller coaster rides at Great Adventure.
-Lamenting over the need to lose weight
-Can't shop at regular stores because the extended plus sized clothes are only carried in certain stores.
-Embarassed when people stare at me with disgust or like they have jokes in their heads.
Now see, it has been a long time since I have felt this way because I have lost a considerable amount of weight in the past couple of years. I love the way my body is shaped now, with my glorious height, womanly hips, narrow waist, supple breasts (yeah...I said "supple" dammit), shapely calves (distinctive from my ankles, no "cankles" here folks!), etc. I love looking in the mirror, but I dont think I ever had that problem before. I can fit into pretty much every chair I try to, although I haven't been back to Great Adventures since I was bigger. I still lament over the need to lose weight, because I want to be healthier and live a long life. I can shop at most department stores now, and although I still shop at big girl stores, I'm not looking for the biggest sizes anymore. People never exactly glared at me frequently, but there were times in my life when I felt like someone was sneering at me as I squeezed into a seat on the train. Now I get even more people staring at me, but the responses are positive. They have usually been positive from men, but men stare with the eyes of their dicks, and pussy is pussy is pussy. But now people ask me if I model (or ask me to model for a line they are designing or what have you) and compliment me and such. It is quite interesting to say the least.
Ashamed of my Culture of Fatness:
-I love food so much and I love eating very rich, calorie saturated foods.
-I am currently pre-diabetic. I was "full blown" diabetic a couple of years ago and was on medications. But I lost weight and my doc took me off the meds. I know that I have to eat healthy to reduce the risk of crossing the threshold, but I dont always do this.
-I have gotten comfortable in the skin I am in. I figure since Im a lil slimmer, have great clothes, attract men, and don't have to take meds, I can do whatever I want, in terms of eating.
-I havent worked out for real in a long time. What's worse is that as I type this, I can raise my head and see a weight bench, free weights, a treadmill, and an all-in-one gym
-When I see people I havent seen in a while, they say "Wow you look great, you are losing weight" and I feel all special and shit. Why arent we motivated to work out and eat right when people tell us we look great?
-My favorite pasttime is laying in my bed...asleep.
-I envy my fat ass orange tabby cat for being able to sleep 20 hours a day.
-After I eat, I get mad at myself.
-I have to struggle very hard to walk past every Dunkin Donuts, krispy kreme, and cold Stone Creamery. Not because I even like sweets, cuz I really don't. I believe that fat people are just drawn to these establishments by some magnetic fat sensor they have attached to the doors.
-I drop stuff on the floor and my fat ass is too lazy to bend over and pick it up, so I'm like "eh" and I keep walking.
These are examples of the culture of fatness. So many blind people say to me "Oh you aren't fat, you're thick". That's that "I want some pussy" bullshit silk that men wear and try to drape over me. Why? Because they don't like admitting that they like "FAT" women, so they come up with these more socially acceptable terms like "Thick" or "Fuller-Figured" to be more comfortable. Well anyway, I'm fat. Not as fat as I used to be, and not so fat that I am ashamed of being fat. I DO have a Culture of Fatness though, that has permeated and taken over my daily life.
I mean, I know that in the past week I have consumed enough greasy calories to equal about 2 lbs and I know I worked off about 1 lb of that just walking and moving around throughout my travels. But 1 lb a week is NOT good.
I can't motivate myself to walk 7 steps to my treadmill, plug the sucka in, and hop my fat ass on it for 20 minutes. I used to be SO good at this stuff. I used to work out 4-5 times a week, for like 2 hours.
I have gotten comfortable where I am and that isnt good. I need to continue to work out, eat better, and stop allowing my mental fatness to mess up all the progress I have made.
When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a way for me to track my weight loss and hold myself accountable. Well, I am going to get back to that. The pharmacy near my job ordered a scale for me, one of those digital onces that goes up to 500 lbs. I just did a big grocery shopping and I am working on cooking more at home and taking food to work, instead of ordering from the diner around the corner (I can save money too). I am going to stay more to myself, because I find when I hang out with folks, I'm more likely to eat unhealthy or be distracted from working out. This cannot go on.
My culture of fatness has my house looking a mess. That sucks. I've become so lazy. I think my culture of fatness is interfering with my motivation and drive to continue on with grad school. It is becoming less about my size and more about mental lazy fatness.
This sucks ass.
Danjaruz Haiku:
Yo, I am so fat
I got a phat ass...and gut
I am too lazy
posted by MBT4679 at 3/26/2005 09:15:00 PM
1 Comments:
whatever happened to that yahoo group? the one you started for fitness and healthy recipes and all that? girl... i'm needing it now. i picked up 30 pounds in a year. that means i gained half of what i originally lost.
i love reading your blog!!!
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