Can't Think Of Nothing That Rhymes With 15

I'm turning over a new leaf brethren and sistren!!

Yes, a new day has dawned! It is the beginning a new era free M, B, N, D, or whatever other names people call me [and thinking about it, shit, there's a lot of em!]

I'm Going To Be Nice

Yea, I know, I know, dear reader, I feel for you as you sit there clutching the pearls, wondering what this means for your daily internet life. 

You might be wondering, as you underoos bunch up, where you will get your daily dose of random hate and opinionated bullshit. 

You might be searching your mind to figure out where you are going to find extremely verbose rants about everything and nothing relevant to your life. [I could actually point you in the direction of a few blogs also guilty of such meandering, but that would be ... well... MEAN]. 

You might have felt a chill course through your body wondering, what has become of this crazy bitch...fuck! I'mma miss her.

Some of you might even try and convince me to not change, to DO me [I'm picking up a new "toy" this evening so rest assured that I will continue to do just THAT], because for some twisted reason you appreciate the way I express myself tactlessly, hatefully, flauntingly, braggadociously, and of course, with more self-centered opinionated pontifications than you are used to. 

Or maybe you hate it but find yourself addicted to the madness that is me.  It's ok.  I don't fully understand the magnetism myself, but ya gotta love it.

I'm Going To Be Nice

So anyway, I was talking with the lifepartner, and I said you know what? I'm going to be NICE.  He says, "When?"  I cracked up laughing not only because I appreciate the way in which he is so in tune to my nuances and idiosyncrisies, but that he was correct in asking that question.  When will I be nice?  Am I going to wait until I am 59 years old, A Grandmother, and in need of a new hip before I start being a nice individual?  Well, that was the original plan, but then I began to think about things differently.  I feel like I have reasons to live now and I need to be nice...now.

How does being nice and having reasons to live correlate?  Well, this is how I figure it.  If I am nice, I walk away from debates, discussions, arguments, etc that would involve me giving a different point of view or opinion.  Why?  Because we all know that when you disagree with people, they hate you.  Yes, they HATE you.  Not the Hip Hop hate, not the "Oh I got so many haters" whining bullshit that we are forced to deal with on a regular basis.  No I mean surefire steaming hate. And when people hate you, they harbor anger towards you, which could be released at any time.  I could be grocery shopping and next thing I have someone charging at me because 8 months ago, I said that I think the Ying Yang Twins represent all that is wrong with Black people.  And I said it while the person was whistling while she was twerking and shaking it like a salt shaker in front of her Ying Yang Twin Altar [made of...salt... of course].  So because of what I said, she got mad, and began to hate me [probably muttering and complaining to her friends that I am a...hater], and with such hate, she harbored anger that boiled over while I was shopping for some Fruit Roll-Ups for my step-daughter.  Tragic.  Doncha think?

Also, I know how hard it is for me to walk away from a great debate that allows for me to get my point across and listen to someone else's view, especially if it is different.  I appreciate engaging with people who are not monolithic in thought, but rather are unafraid to own their views and express then.  It ignites a fire within me, though I have also learned, rather annoyingly, that not everyone is like that.  You have the whiners, the bellyachers, the complainers, the talk shit but do nothing-ers, etc and they annoy me.  Where are the people with backbones??!! *waves fist in the air angrily*  Since I feel like I have enuff in my life, and need no more, I have decided to hang it up.  This simply means no more scouting for stimulating conversation from people I don't already know well enough to deliver my own brand of brash-and-sassy pontification.  They get it.  Most of you don't and that is OK.  It's not a bad thing; it just means I don't need to talk to you. 

How do I get being NICE out of "it just means I don't need to talk to you"?  There is something seriously wrong with me, I swear.

Anyway. People are strange.  People are stranger when you disagree with them.  People are even more strange when they begin the unnecessary task of comparing their lives with your life and, of course, when they come up terribly short, the envy/angst/bitterness etc ensues.  It's AG, as my man Derrick says, cuz Percy, I don't give a fuck. 

Anyway.  I'm a problem, most of the time, and in my ever-maturing infinite wisdom [did that make sense?...*thinking*  NOPE], I am learning that I provoke people on purpose.  Prepare for moment of self-actualization here. I push buttons intentionally to get a rise out of people, or as I see it, to get the most out of them.  I like when people begin to feel passionate emotions, be it anger, frustration, extreme happiness, determination, or any other emotion that evokes passion.  I love to see this, I love to watch this.  Don't ask why, but I thrive on it.  The problem comes when people don't know that I am not always doing this to be negative, but simply to fill some twisted void in my world. lol.  *Yeah sometimes I love pissing people off*. I love to feel my own blood pumping, my pressure rising, my eyebrows furrowing, and lips sneering, and every other physical manifestion of the ever-present "YOU DUMB FUCK!!!!" sensation, and I push buttons to challenge others to get to that phase.  Can't help it.

I'm Going To Be Nice

So back to the correlation mentioned earlier.  I want to be around for a long time, and I realize that high blood pressure, due to "stress" or everything I just mentioned, can shorten my life.  Talking MAD shit to unstable sewer dwellers could potentially cause backlash that might threaten my life-span. lol yeah it sounded funny typing it too. Focus put towards debating and conversing with people incapable of engaging in such discourse distracts focus from things that are more important, like eating on time, exercising, having sex, etc.  When you are addicted to discourse, you put other things off.  I know I do, and you do too! 

 So I think the best course of action, is to leave well enough alone.  Stop going to other people's little spaces on the internet and dropping my *cough* opinion.  Stop disagreeing with people.  Smile more.  Be more pleasant and tolerant of bulldookie.  I'm not even going to read the words people type.  Except for the people in my circle, who of course, are adult enough to engage me without ... I'll stop, before I say some not-so-nice things.

Before you, behold, a new, calmer, more tolerant, and most of all, nicer version of ME*cheese*

Fini!!!

******

www.webster.com   for those in need...

shout out to Lil Brother's Minstrel Show for supplying random lines. Either you got it or you didn't, it's ok.

 

Main Entry: sar·casm

Pronunciation: 'sär-"ka-z&m

Function: noun

Etymology: French or Late Latin; French sarcasme, from Late Latin sarcasmos, from Greek sarkasmos, from sarkazein to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer, from sark-, sarx flesh; probably akin to Avestan thwar&s- to cut

1 : a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain <tired of continual sarcasms>

2 a : a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual b : the use or language of sarcasm <this is no time to indulge in sarcasm>

synonym see WIT

Main Entry: ²wit

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German wizzi knowledge, Old English witan to know

1 a : MIND, MEMORY b : reasoning power : INTELLIGENCE

2 a : SENSE 2a -- usually used in plural <alone and warming his five wits, the white owl in the belfry sits -- Alfred Tennyson> b (1) : mental soundness : SANITY -- usually used in plural (2) : mental capability and resourcefulness : INGENUITY

3 a : astuteness of perception or judgment : ACUMEN b : the ability to relate seemingly disparate things so as to illuminate or amuse c (1) : a talent for banter or persiflage (2) : a witty utterance or exchange d : clever or apt humor

4 a : a person of superior intellect : THINKER b : an imaginatively perceptive and articulate individual especially skilled in banter or persiflage