Black Venus, Brown Mars
This was posted in a discussion group I am in:
This is going to piss some people off but when people are pissed you get to see the real them and I hope it makes people think. Recently I wrote a post asking why SOME black women were not as vocal when it came to praising the black man. as they were when putting us down. There were many responses, we abandoned them, messed up their credit. we are cheaters, we don't take care of our kids, we beat them, etc. etc.
Question if we black men are so bad why do black women get upset when they see a black man with a white or hispanic woman? Before you even ask Yes, I am married to a black woman and no I have never dated a white girl.
My response [because you know I have to have a response lol]
You are assuming of course that all black women get mad at seeing brothers with women of other races well you want to know why SOME get upset? because they feel abandoned, which is something you mentioned. they begin to feel insecure and feel that they are not good enough for these men, and they feel since there are enough problems between black men and women, we shouldnt be running off to the next race as a solution. Instead, we ought to be working through our issues
check it
in case anyone has forgotten
less than 150 years ago, which is about 7 generations, give or take, we were legally enslaved. we existed as property in a system that had no value for our humanity, which meant things like emotions, love, pain, sorrow, trust, loyalty, understanding, commitment, etc were all but systematically destroyed. Such systematic tactics were employed to guarantee that we would remain enslaved, not only physically but mentally.
Now we are here, 140 years to the day almost since the last slaves received word that they were free, but they forgot to tell their children that. Why do I say his? Because we still exist for the love of the white man. This manifests itself most apparently in our interpersonal relationships. The way black women and black men interact comes directly from this inability to shake the bonds of mental slavery.
Why dont black couples go to couples therapy or counseling the way they should? If they do, most of the time it is through church and often biased. We have serious personal demons that we need to battle alone and as units, couples, partners, etc. We dont do this. so all of our unresolved issues go unaddressed and we lash out at each other. We take out our frustrations and angst out on the people we need most: each other. Rather than stick around, we run away. More often men will run away before women because men are problem solvers by nature, and unfortunately in this country, there is very little the Black Man can do to solve the problems that affect himself and his Black Woman. This frustrates the Black Man and he begins to feel helpless, incompetant, and less of a man. Rather than stick around, have this thrown in his face and continue to feel this day in and day out, he will leave. He cannot handle it.
The Black Woman looks at him as though he abandoned her and their family, not fully nderstanding his deeply-rooted helplessness. She doesn't understand why he might speak to her in such harsh tones, or why he yells or why he seems to take the anger of the day out on her. Neither one of them thinks of seeking outside help. They give up so easily, develop a resentment towards each other, and clash repeatedly.
The Black Woman then has to take on the all-inclusive role as head of the family, and when the Black Man has gotten himself together and feels he is ready to, and worthy of the responsibility of taking care of his family, the Black Woman looks at him unsympatheticly and tells him, in not so many polite terms, that she does not NEED him, that when he left, she had no choice but to do it herself, and he isnt a necessity. There is very little he can do to penetrate that wall of strength she had to build when he left, and again, he begins to feel helpless. Deep inside, she DOES need him, but how do you open up and allow yourself to become vulnerable to that very person who abandoned you in the first place?
He is helpless, yes again. She is strong, yet insecure inside. He wants to be there for her, show her that he didnt mean to leave, that she can rely on him now. She is scared to trust him, but inside she needs him. They are at an impasse, neither one really knowing what Love is, because Love was beaten out of them as they were tied up to trees and forced to pump out vanilla colored babies. Love, of course, is the answer that will heal all of their wounds, but they cannot even recognize it as that salve.
**note to readers: The "Black Man" and "Black Woman" are representations of our people as concepts, theories, archetypes. The situations outlined are not to be viewed as specific, literal events, but rather circumstances that come to pass over time***
What yall think about this? all comments are welcomed
This is going to piss some people off but when people are pissed you get to see the real them and I hope it makes people think. Recently I wrote a post asking why SOME black women were not as vocal when it came to praising the black man. as they were when putting us down. There were many responses, we abandoned them, messed up their credit. we are cheaters, we don't take care of our kids, we beat them, etc. etc.
Question if we black men are so bad why do black women get upset when they see a black man with a white or hispanic woman? Before you even ask Yes, I am married to a black woman and no I have never dated a white girl.
My response [because you know I have to have a response lol]
You are assuming of course that all black women get mad at seeing brothers with women of other races well you want to know why SOME get upset? because they feel abandoned, which is something you mentioned. they begin to feel insecure and feel that they are not good enough for these men, and they feel since there are enough problems between black men and women, we shouldnt be running off to the next race as a solution. Instead, we ought to be working through our issues
check it
in case anyone has forgotten
less than 150 years ago, which is about 7 generations, give or take, we were legally enslaved. we existed as property in a system that had no value for our humanity, which meant things like emotions, love, pain, sorrow, trust, loyalty, understanding, commitment, etc were all but systematically destroyed. Such systematic tactics were employed to guarantee that we would remain enslaved, not only physically but mentally.
Now we are here, 140 years to the day almost since the last slaves received word that they were free, but they forgot to tell their children that. Why do I say his? Because we still exist for the love of the white man. This manifests itself most apparently in our interpersonal relationships. The way black women and black men interact comes directly from this inability to shake the bonds of mental slavery.
Why dont black couples go to couples therapy or counseling the way they should? If they do, most of the time it is through church and often biased. We have serious personal demons that we need to battle alone and as units, couples, partners, etc. We dont do this. so all of our unresolved issues go unaddressed and we lash out at each other. We take out our frustrations and angst out on the people we need most: each other. Rather than stick around, we run away. More often men will run away before women because men are problem solvers by nature, and unfortunately in this country, there is very little the Black Man can do to solve the problems that affect himself and his Black Woman. This frustrates the Black Man and he begins to feel helpless, incompetant, and less of a man. Rather than stick around, have this thrown in his face and continue to feel this day in and day out, he will leave. He cannot handle it.
The Black Woman looks at him as though he abandoned her and their family, not fully nderstanding his deeply-rooted helplessness. She doesn't understand why he might speak to her in such harsh tones, or why he yells or why he seems to take the anger of the day out on her. Neither one of them thinks of seeking outside help. They give up so easily, develop a resentment towards each other, and clash repeatedly.
The Black Woman then has to take on the all-inclusive role as head of the family, and when the Black Man has gotten himself together and feels he is ready to, and worthy of the responsibility of taking care of his family, the Black Woman looks at him unsympatheticly and tells him, in not so many polite terms, that she does not NEED him, that when he left, she had no choice but to do it herself, and he isnt a necessity. There is very little he can do to penetrate that wall of strength she had to build when he left, and again, he begins to feel helpless. Deep inside, she DOES need him, but how do you open up and allow yourself to become vulnerable to that very person who abandoned you in the first place?
He is helpless, yes again. She is strong, yet insecure inside. He wants to be there for her, show her that he didnt mean to leave, that she can rely on him now. She is scared to trust him, but inside she needs him. They are at an impasse, neither one really knowing what Love is, because Love was beaten out of them as they were tied up to trees and forced to pump out vanilla colored babies. Love, of course, is the answer that will heal all of their wounds, but they cannot even recognize it as that salve.
**note to readers: The "Black Man" and "Black Woman" are representations of our people as concepts, theories, archetypes. The situations outlined are not to be viewed as specific, literal events, but rather circumstances that come to pass over time***
What yall think about this? all comments are welcomed
posted by MBT4679 at 6/20/2005 07:29:00 PM
3 Comments:
I think you did as well as anyone could dissecting the situation and attacking the issue from all sides with at least some objectivity.
There's a common thread I see with the majority of the posts he and other brothas write when they do make their presence known.
They are devoid of any praise of black women; every comment related to rwomen is prefaced with "Why do black women (insert negative here)?"
They aren't asking for purposes of enlightnement. They are asking in the spirit of being able to justify their jaded, depreciative views of the black woman.
Simply stated: Folx got serious issues with black women.
Even more simply stated: hater.
here are three things black people did IMMEDIATELY after emancipation (the 13th and 14th amendment NOT the proclamation):
1. get married
2. build more churches
3. get their children educated.
This post is right on! I loved your comment back to him and I feel like you really placed the historical factors in there as a way to illustrate your point. I think people believe slavery is in the past, that they are free...when in fact many of us are still chained up mentally.
When I see a Black Man with another race it bothers me only slightly. What bothers me more is when I hear a black man say that they do not date black women. That to me is an insult and a slap in the face.
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