Complications

Danjaruz Depiction:


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation: Can it be that it was all so simple then?

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
It is hard enough maintaining one's sanity in a world full of chaos and disorder. It is beyond difficult to wake up in the morning and be happy to see another day. It is sometimes painful to think about spending days by one's self, no love in one's life, no close friends. But the worst part of it all, is knowing that it should NOT be this way.

Why am I going through this battle? Inside, a war is being waged between my heart and mind. On the days my mind wins, I am miserable. On the days my heart wins, I am miserable. And confused. And dumbfounded. And outraged. While the mind fails miserably at the task of figuring out what the next move is, the heart, too, fails, and drags emotions through the mud in the process. At least the mind is isolated. The mind protects, locking hurt and disappointment into a small box, surrounded by walls. The heart, however, reaches every part of one's being. If the heart hurts, the mind, soul, spirit, will, and yes, body all hurt with it.

So I must decide. Do I continue operating from the heart or do I learn how to operate from the mind? From what I have witnessed with other people, operating from the mind is a cold, dark place. Letting nothing in, letting nothing out, isolated, insulated, protected, safe... From what I have experienced, operating from the heart is a raging, burning fire, destructive, engulfing pain. Taking everything in, letting everything out, having everything thrown right back...

I miss my friends. I hate that my friends are all over this country, instead of right near me. I wish I could just call one of them up and say "hey, lets go to the movies this weekend" or something of that nature. I wish I didn't have to rely on superficial conversations and empty social gatherings with people who do not FEEL me. I miss vibing, clowning, thinking, drinking, crying, reminiscing, pushing the envelope, digging deeper, bonding, building, all of the wonderful things the true friends do.

Instead, I sit away, lonely. Me, myself, and my protective mind. Speaking to myself, speaking in my mind, sinking in laziness, mind numbing, brain draining, will to continue on slipping away...



Danjaruz Haiku:
Needing my true friends
Life is a lonely prison
Diaphanous noise

Danja on Voting

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:

This is something i challenge every black person in this country to
think about...

As a collective, we dont have a strong voting voice. We have maybe
20 million registered/eligible if that. 20 million in a country of
300 million is nothing. It really isnt. Regardless of what anyone
says, our voice isnt strong.

two tears in a bucket...

the dems and repubs know this, which is specifically why they do not
do anything for us, they dont cater to us, they dont go out of their
way to represent us. they are NOT us. and even if none of us ever
voted, they wouldnt be swayed one way or the other.

bush and kerry have a lot in common. both come from wealth, both went to yale and are in skull and bones. kerry and bush are in agreement on MANY issues, but because kerry is NOT bush, suddenly he is the go to guy.

kerry has been in senate for 20 years and how many of us even heard of him before this? not too long ago, Howard Dean was the front runner for our party. One speech he gets overzealous and we run to someone else, with the fickle nature of a disinterested two year old. Dean would be someone Id consider voting for....maybe...

Kerry is banking on being NOT BUSH to get votes. He doesnt campaign to blacks or latinos. He campaigns where he has huge white support, huge GREEN support, and it isnt in the black community.

the same way we give free advertisement to liquor, car, and clothing companies, we are giving Kerry free campaign time. WE are doing his work for him, for FREE. Has he even acknowledged us? Has he acknowledged the efforts of puffy and russell? has he met with them in any public way? no, but you know how black folks are. we ready to
do anything for massah and expect no reward. *rolling eyes*

we are sheep. we follow whatever is the latest trend. suddenly voting is "sexy". suddenly political activism is "chic". gimme an effin break already. this coming from the same MEN who think wearing fur coats, excessive jewels, and make-up is "Sexy". The hip hop generation being represented?? Is Benzino smoking crack? If he
thinks any presidential candidate even gives any credit to the idea of there being a hip hop generation, much less giving any care or concern to it, he is NUTS. Hip hoppers can vote independent if they want, neither Kerry nor Bush is overly concerned with where there votes go, and you can be sure they dont even count them or factor them in.

im neither republican nor democratic. im a registered socialist. I dont buy into this bipartisan crap, and this is why im not voting for Bush or Kerry. I do not support with candidate, therefor neither candidate gets my vote.

Getting Bush out of the office and putting Kerry in will NOT change amerikkka. Kerry is no better than Bush, come on folks, he really isnt. George Bush will win because those americans not walking around blinders and earmuffs KNOW this. They are more pissed at kerry trying to win this election on the IM NOT BUSH ticket, than they are
pissed at Bush's presidency.

PResidents preside over governments. Kerry can be elected and still have to work with and be held accountable by a republican government. What can he do then?? They wont let him raise minimum wage. They wont let him do anything more about gay marriage. He cant bring the troops home any sooner. He cant do anything about
stem cell research, thats up to the supreme court. He can appoint justices, but lets start hoping some die or retire during his term lol.

As a people, we need to REALLY think about things. What is most important to us? Being represented? Getting rid of Bush only to put another Rich, white, conservative man in office? Using our votes for power or giving empty votes? An empty vote to me is when you vote for one person to vote against another. I cannot vote for someone I
support, regardless of who else is running. That is why people abstain; because they dont support either candidate. What is Kerry really going to do that will be so different? Everything he tries to do, the government will be like BAMMMMM roadblock.

Black people, it is OK to do that. It is ok to say im registered but im not voting for either because I do not support either. Neither candidate cares about black people in this country. Neither has any concern about issues pertinent to our communities. Neither is aware that HIV/AIDS is killing black women at disgusting rates. Neither is doing much for OUR schoosl (which still are pretty segregated).

WE need to focus more on our local officials. Our city councilmen and women, aldermen and women, the people we put in the house of representatives, our state senators, governors, mayors, etc. These are the people who have bigger impacts on our daily lives. this is a union of 50 states, each with its on set of laws. A republican government demands less input from the federal government and more state power. WE need to determine who runs our states and cities. That is where the change is.

Everyone says we owe it to our ancestors to vote. half of my ancestors never had a problem with voting lol. We owe it to ourselves to vote intelligently. Voting like a sheep is not intelligent, nor is it worth anything. Your vote is your whisper in
the din of the american political system. What you do with it is up to you. Dont be led blindly by sneaky campaign tactics. THINK for yourself. What exactly do you know about John Kerry? John Edwards?

Yes, most black democrats dont know what democrat means lol. They buy into capitalism which is a derivative of what brought us over here in the first place (read: GREED). We buy into the American Dream but we must be dreaming if we think it is designed for US.

Most black people just go on hearsay, spoon fed thoughts, etc. We have a serious epidemic of "band-wagonism" permeating our ranks, and its destroying us.

If I hear another person say they are against gay marriage, against abortion, in favor of the war, against government hand outs and turn around and say they are voting democrat or voting for Kerry, IM goingto scream. That is purely unintelligent and EXACTLY what John Kerry is banking on.

Chances are, he wont win. If he does, so be it. America will still be America. Red, blue, and GREEN. Not black, not brown, not yellow.

I thought this would be the year I would vote. It isnt. I still have yet to be impressed.

Rap versus Poetry

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:

Let me try to answer this as succinctly as possible

I currently teach poetry to a high school Poetry club, which has about 10-15 regular members. Every Tuesday and Thursday, these kids come to me to learn more about poetry as an art and how to harness their creativity into poetic form.

The first thing I told them: 90% of the stuff you hear or read these days is crap. (especially if it comes from your cyber and itnernet buddies....If one more cyber"poet" sends me some "poems" to read, Im going to scream)

The second thing I told them, and it has become our mantra:
"Reading great poetry is crucial to writing great poetry"

With that said, Poetry, with the capital P, has gone down the drain, swam through the sewers, and been stripped of its dignity, and now lays in the middle of the street being run over by NYC taxicabs.

My kids have only read a minute amount of poetry in all of their years of high school (another reason I curse the public school system) and they struggle to just interpret meanings of certains words and metaphors. This shows me that their own work is lacking, simply because they havent strengthed their usage of metaphor, which is KEY to poetry.

Some of the best hip hop artists have mastered the use of metaphor in their lyrics. Having command of this KEY element of Poetry makes people go "oooooooooh" when you spit it. No one goes "oooooooh" when rapeprs just go on and on about jewels and bling. Take a look at people like Common ("Really rappers is hard to find like a remote control" "Ya videos are hard to watch like Medusa") and Talib Kweli ("You're more confused than Tiger Woods when he made up Cablanasian") and what they do with metaphors. Take a look at A Tribe Called Quest ("Bust off on your couch, now you got Seaman's furniture"). There are tons and tons of references throughout hip hop rap lyrics. an MC hones his/her skill until he/she has earned the respect of his/her peers.

The same goes for "poets" and "poetry". I learned in high school that you arent a poet until other people acknowledge you as such. How dare you call yourself a poet??!! And your work is garbage?! Too many people go around doing this and it has to stop lol.

I recently read an article about More Poetry, less Jam
http://aalbc.com/authors/def_poetry_jam_story.htm
please read that story, it speaks to this idea of Poetry "Jams" and such. One author says about Def Poetry Jam "I found it to be very well performed but lacking in content... And that is the thing that concerns me the most, that anyone could watch this and have an extremely skewed idea of what poetry is."

This is the "modern poetry problem". I will credit hip hop with the performance aspect of modern poetry. Hip hop has shown that it is about flexing your skills, battling, proving yhou are better than someone else, while somewhere along the line making some type of statement. Unfortunately, modern poetry has adapted the same agenda. Are there hip hop MCs who are modern day poets? Definitely!! Are there modern day poets who SOUND too much like hip hop MCs? Definitely!!!

How do we tell the difference? How we define what a poet is? again it is up to us and the consumers of the art, to define the parameteres, label the standards, etc. Kool Moe Dee did it with his book on the top 50 greatest MCs of all time. He took that liberty into his own hands. What we do is READ great poetry. If you think of everytime you have heard someone perform a poem and you have been like "yeahhhh thats hot" or you've "snapped your fingers after the performance, Imagine that same poem on a piece of paper, no poet performing, just words on a page. Are you feeling the poem the same way? Or does it feel somewhat empty? Lacking in some way?

many people write down their thoughts, emotions, feelings, etc. This is healthy and great. It is not all poetry though, and people need to face facts. Poetry is an ART FORM. Modern "poets" forget that fact. They do NOT read great poetry. They barely read or study ANY poetry. They just throw words on a page. They continue to do it because WE consume it, and congratulate them, and we applaud them, and accept it as being great, when really, it isnt. All of these erotic "poems", love "poems", you-are-my-nubian-queen-and-i-shall-be-your-african-king-forever-drinking-your-nectar-eternally-needing-you "poems", man people need to step the game UP. Read Blake, Yeats, Keats, Sanchez, Neruda, Giovanni, Baraka, Wheatley, Shelly, etc. Read great poets to beomce a great poet. Practice using different forms, challenge yourselves. Step outside of this hip hop poetry slam box, because it is stiffling the ART form.

I gave my kids a simple task of making an acrostic poem using the word IDENTITY. They are STILL struggling with that crisis...

Peace...

Recipe for Benee's Bean Bake

Danjaruz Dietary Delight:

Benee's Bean Bake


Ingredients:
(I used cans because they are quicker, but you may substitute all canned beans for fresh beans if time allows. I use Goya brand because I love Goya)

1 can Goya Gandules (pigeon peas)
1 can Goya Red Kidney Beans
1 can Goya Yellow cut corn
1 can Goya Frijoles Negros (Black Beans)
1 medium box of elbow macaroni
2 table spoons extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons Goya All Purpose Seasoning or Lawry's Seasoned Salt
1 table spoon Ground black pepper
few pinches of salt
Your favorite hot sauce (I recommend Texas Pete)
1 block extra sharp cheddar cheese (or you can buy pre-shredded cheese)
(for "italian stove top version, include 1 cup tomatoe sauce of your choosing, and 1 cup sliced mushrooms)
1 cup skim milk
Cooking spray, butter
Plain Bread crumbs

Preparation:

Drain all liquids from bean cans with the exception of the Red Kidney beans. Use that juice to cook all beans. In medium sauce pan, combine all beans over medium flame. Add hot sauce, All purpose seasoning and black pepper. Mix and simmer until beans are soft. Water will boil and simmer along the way, and thats good. Make sure you cover the pot while simmering, keeps all the bean flavor inside. Dont overcook beans, because that would suck.

At the same time, in another pot, bring water, salt, and olive oil to a boil. Add macaroni and reduce flame to medium. Still occasionally until pasta is soft.

While this is all going on, if necessary, shred the cheese and have it ready.

When pasta and beans are done cooking, preheat oven to 350 degrees. Coat a medium casserole bowl with cooking spray/butter. Strain pasta and beans. layer pasta, beans, and cheese until bowl is full. Leave about 1/2 inch at the top. Shred more cheese on top. Pour skim milk into bowl around the macaroni and beans and cheese. Finally, sprinle plain bread crumbs over top of the whole concoction.

Cover casserole bowl with top and cook for 30-45 minutes, or until cheese bubbles and begins to brown. Voila, Benee's Bean Bake


Bean Bake Italiano

Follow all directions in above recipe until you are finished cooking beans and pasta. Make sure you cook macaroni in larger saucepan. Strain beans and pasta. Pour beans into pasta sauce pan and mix. Keep flame on medium-low. Add pasta sauce and mushrooms and let come to a simmmer. After pasta sauce has boiled for about 7-10 minutes, shred cheese over the top and cover. Turn off flame and let sit for a few minutes until cheese melts in.

Open Relationships

Danjaruz Depiction:


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:Im opening myself to your openness, opening my legs to your open desire, you know I got you open, now just open your heart!

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
hmmm open relationships... how wonderful would it be if people could function maturely in these types of situations? It would be great except none of you knucleheads is mature enough to make it happen.

The problem is, of course, that both people are not on the same page. One person has more feelings, one person sees more people, one person suddenly stops seeing others and wants more commitment, one person feels the need to sneak, etc etc etc.

"Open" relationships, in my opinion, are friendships that leave room for sex, without getting "weird". Two people care about each other,but are both mature enough to admit that they are not ready for monogomy. They know that they want consistancy and someone to spend time with, but they also know that their eyes wander, and they have other people they might want to kick it with too. Two people have to be of one accord to make a relationship like this happen. Too many times, you see people trying to lock each other down, for the sake of making sure they have someone to call when they are sick, need a ride, wanna go to the movies, need a date, want to exchange gifts with at special times, etc. but then want to sleep with other people
What these people need to realize is that regardless of age, they are not "relationship mature". You simply cannot have your cake and eat it too and expect to retain your dignity, safety, sanity, etc.

If women want to settle and be with a man who is doing other women, and continue to think she is in a real relationship, then let her delusional ass continue on!! If she enters into one with a man where they both discuss that we gonna do us together, but when we are apart, all bets are off, then fine, make it work.

Relationships take work, hard work, and too many people give up and go the easy routes. People who arent REALLY gay or bisexual, end up sleeping with people of the same sex, usually women who want to appear more "freaky" or attractive to their man. They know their man wants to see them with other women or enjoys threesomes, so in
attempts to keep the attention of their men, they engage in this type of activity.

One of the reasons I am not an advocate of the "swing" lifestyle (I do not knock it or judge, I just do not advocate it) is because I believe that when you make a committment to someone, you are committed to that ONE person. If you are married, you made a pledge to be faithful and honor your marriage vows/laws (which whether you
believe in God or not, were designed by organized religious beliefs, and turned into state laws). If you are not married, but in a committed relationship where you tell someone that you only love him/her and you are dedicated to him/her, you have no concrete reason to have sex outside of that. If the sex isnt good, work on improving
it or bounce. If the sex isnt enough, do NOT make that committment or leave the situation. If you are simply selfish and greedy, well then I say again, do NOT make that committment. If you are just a freak, be a freak, but realize that you are not at relationship maturity yet, so dont make the committment.

some of you might say, "well what if you really care about the person and you dont want to leave?" To that I say, obviously sex is SOOOO important to you that you NEED to have it, you MUST have it with other people. So if it is THAT damn important, it seems more important that your feelings and dedication to that person, so you
need to act accordingly.

Many of us are walking about claiming to be "grown ass" adults, when we really are immature children. Or at least we act like that when it comes to sex and relationships. Too many of us men and women let sex govern our lives. As if it is EVER that important! Not too many years ago, people werent having the open, unmarried, loose sex that we all engage in these days. We put so much importance and weight on something that no longer has any real value to us?? In what way does
that make any sense?


The last component of this very long post (lol) is children and disease. There are too many kids being born to unwed parents, born into single parent homes, born to women who have settled, born to women who are sleeping with someone else's man, born to women who love men who dont love them back, born to women who dont love the man they let hit it raw. How can you have children, but be walking around sleeping with every tom, dick, harry, jane, mary, and sue? What kind of Karma are you creating for your kids, and what type of example are you setting? Just because you dont bring the jump off around your kids, it doesnt mean your kids dont know what you are doing. I do not knock single parenthood at all. I am against irresponsible parenting and irresponsible single parenthood.

For every unplanned pregnancy is a potential HIV case, a potential herpes, gonhorrea, syphillus, chlymidia(sp?) case, and a damned irresponsible soon-to-be parent, hear me? Black and latino women are contracting HIV faster than anyone else in this world! 75% of all new HIV cases are black and latino women! I cannot reiterate this enough. This is not to just go ahead and blame men on the "DL" because its larger than that. It is about women settling, entering into "relationships" with men who are not being honest about their sexual exploits, it is about women not taking enough personal responsibility to make a man use a condom before having sex, it about women throwing lips to any dick that crosses their paths, its about people just being completely careless with their lives. How do you put on a condom when he is about to put his penis in you, but you put your lips on it, and take it into your mouth openly? What? You dont think you can get anything that way? And do NOT refute it ladies, because the proof is in the pudding. We are ALL very careless when it comes to sexual health. This is why so many of us are walking around with "smaller" STDs and kids following behind us.

Open relationships leave a LOT open... and when you open yourself up, physically and emotionally, you risk letting in the bad with what you perceive to be the good.


Danjaruz Haiku:
Can you be open?
Deny not your feelings love
Pry through my closed walls