Oh My Stars, Yo!!!

Danjaruz Demeanor:
"you have got to be kidding me"

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:

So I got a new tattoo. but I ain't showing yall what it looks like. If you ever have the opportunity to see me up close and in person, you will see it.

Mom is taking us to see another apartment today. She is so cute when she tries to sound all professional and stuff. It is a 2-bedroom in a 2-family for only $1100 which means we could get a car a lot sooner than we planned AND the guy won't charge extra for the parking space in front of the house. I am not worried about being able to get it, I'm just hoping it is a nice place. Gotta love hook-ups.

If I may go on a bit of a rant for a moment. i find that entirely TOO many people are overly concerned with things I say or do. Normally, I would simply just continue on doing what I do, saying fuck it and not caring, and right now I still feel that way. I guess my mind is just boggled by why annyone cares what I do or say. I mean, if you dont like me and i dont like you, and we dont talk EVER, why would you go out of your way to be upset about things I say that arent even said to you? If you know the answer to this [as Im sure some of the people who stalk my blog and fit this description do know the answer], i'm mad that you have any justification for it. Moveeeeee onnnnnn. I damn sure have, and i will still say whatever I want, whenever, about who or whatever for as long as I have the energy to do so. If you dont like what I say, dont read it. It is that simple. End rant. [For the record, I do NOT support morbidly obese women (self-included) wearing thin stiletto heels or tight strappy shoes that display their pump-fat. i do not need to dip and dodge the craters in the asphalt nor do I want to smell what is baking in your shoes. You will never see me wearing any type of stiletto shoe because I have some fucking sense!! If you have fat feet, stay the fuck out of strappy shoes!!]

I love watching shows like Wedding Story, Baby Story, Extreme Home Makeover, and other stories of people going through life changing experiences that make their lives better. I'm obsessed with wedding shows. I love watching the planning. I used to randomly read wedding magazines [though now I have a reason to read them]. I am in love with the fantasy and glamour and the love these people have.

Ho hum, ho hum.

Ok folks, yessss we are STILL doing it up in NYC Labor Day weekend. If you have not done so already, pleaseeeeee visit The Official NYC Meet Up Blog> and leave a comment in the comment section. We will soon have a blogroll of everyone coming. Get those plane tickets [i know some have already], make those hotel reservations, get it going, cuz G and i are going to welcome you all to NYC in style!!

Ok I need to go tend to this tattoo and clean this apartment up a bit. Ill holla!!


Danjaruz Haiku:

Middle of the Week

Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
"we're moving on up, to the east side, to a delux apartment, in the skyyyyy"

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
So we've been apartment hunting, because we are moving in September, and it has been interesting. We've seen two apartments that we like, both 4 bedroom apartments though, but the prices are steals. The first one was a 2 floor walk-up but it wasn't bad because the flights weren't steep. The apartment had a lot of space, and the bedrooms were nice sizes. There were closests and storage spaces in every room. The front rooms get a lot of lights, and I particularly liked the windows in one of the rooms. The kitchen was eat-in, which Papi likes. Having a seperate kitchen is always a big thing for Manhattan residents who usually do not have that luxury.

The second place was the one we REALLY liked. This apartment was HUGE. Both of the apartments are $1400 which for us is right in our budget. This second apartment had a private entrance and two bathrooms as well. Both bathrooms had showers and one of the bathrooms had both a shower stall and a tub. The living room space was enormous!! It was the perfect apartment. The only issue is that the management company is ideally looking to rent is as commercial space, especially since it has a private entrance. However, the superintendant [who proclaimed proudly that was "not a racist"] really liked us and said when management called, he would give us a really great recommendation.

The problem with big apartments is that managers are often bound to house a certain number of people in those apartments. So it being just he & I and his daugheter occasionally, might not be good enough. We have been telling them, though, that we plan on starting a family here and it would be good to get the space now rather than later. We hope that works out for us. Put in a good word with your spiritual people folks, we need it. I prefer the second one because it was on the first floor, had 2 bathrooms, and a private entrance and the train and bus stations are literally right outside the entrance of the building. I would, however, be happy being accepted into the other apartment as well, as it is 1.5 blocks away from the train station and near a lot of stores and shops and such. It is also very secure and well-kept.

We are going to look at another place today, not too far from apt. #2, and one in Manhattan on Monday. I'm very excited about this process and the steps we are taking. I'm looking forward to taking the next step.

I'm getting his birthday gift tomorrow. He thinks he knows what I'm getting him, but I know that he doesnt' which makes me think he might be disappointed with the gift I give him. Nothing worse than giving a disappointing gift, yanno? Oh well, it was chosen with love. I'm taking him to dinner for his birthday, any place he chooses. This is going to be a busy weekend. He has two shows, we are doing promotions, apartment hunting, etc. Well I am on vacation from tomorrow until next Monday. If I have anything to say before then, believe that I will.

Peace,
M

Danjaruz Negress's Series of Unfortunate Events

Danjaruz Demeanor:
"what the fuck?"

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
lotta crazy things happened to me recently.
i wrote a whole blog about it, but of course, explorer shut down before I could even copy and save it.

great.

anyway, my laptop was stolen. I been on vacation from work, so I havent had much computer access lately.

lotta bad things been happening man, to the point when I was like "has someone put a root on me/us?" I mean, things havent been happening just to me directly but also to someone close to me. Moreso to that person than to me, but being close and caring, I am also affected.

Dealing with Dell Indian employees and the NYPD can be a hassle but I'm trying to smooth it out as much as possible. Dell says I have to keep paying for my computer. Not while I'm black. I'm supposed to get some type of compensation from the NYPD when I show them proof that I owned the computer and the proof of worth. They will prolly only give me 60-70% of the total cost, which I will promptly apply to my Dell account. After that, Dell can kiss my ass because I'm not paying the rest. Especially since they are not replacing my computer. Lost my new book I was working on. I was so motivated, now I feel like a blow was dealt to me. I have to work hard now to get back that motivation. I been so depressed. Lost my porn collection, all of my writings, almost 1500 songs [my music....goneeeeeeeee].

A lot of crazy ish has been happening, like supernatural things. Like God speaking to us/me. I wish I knew what He was saying. So many things lined up in so many ways, that I am just concerned that I am missing the message. I feel like the universe is beating us up. But why? We havent done anything wrong. Ok so maybe this is karma? Who knows...

Anyway, trying to move forward, trying to settle down all of the commotion. Had a decent weekend despite some of the "unfortunate events". Mel came to visit, we had a good time. Dinners, karaoke, mini-golf [we whupped yalls asses biznatchesss!!!], went to the mall, did some shopping, took in a movie with Papi to help ease our tensions surrounding the "events".

Had to get rid of yet another "friend" for putting me and people I care about in a very precarious situation that could have had permanent consequences. Been trimming so much dead weight lately. It is funny. My circle gets smaller and smaller and I have absolutely no problem with that. I'd rather have a tiny circle of real people I know I can count on, people who are about things, and most of all people who don't SMELL funny, than to have a broad circle of useless negroes who ain't about shit and smell like it. [I recently realized how many people I hung out with have really putrid smells eminating from their pores, cracks, and crevices. YUCK]

Papi had a great show on Wednesday. Was the first time I got to see him perform live on stage and it made me wanna take him in a corner and let him "work me over" [LOL@ whitney houston]. Yeah, I'm a hornball. Anything that man does makes me wanna hump him. The next one is this coming Sunday. Should be more people there and a different crowd.

*Sigh* I love this man. This weekend he got to meet a couple of my closest friends. This was very important to me, considering we spend more time with his friends than with mine, given the schedules and long-distance locations of my peoples. He received stamps of approval from all who met him. One thing that I love most about him is that he has this positive energy about him that is so engaging that people cannot help but like him upon meeting him. He is funny, smart, a great conversationalist, and has things in common with most people. He knows how to reach people on common grounds and people become drawn to him. One of the people who advocated most for him, without even meeting him, at the time when I was so scared and ready to leave gave him two major thumbs up. He said he didnt feel like an asshole for supporting him lol. Mel likes him. Her friend likes him. People like him.

Most importantly, we just went through a series of unfortunate events together. Relationships are often tested in times of tribulation and we went through them together. We supported each other, loved each other, and were each other's strength. We don't let those outside forces come inside of what we have and break it apart. We face them together. that is what a strong relationship is all about. That is what love is all about.

Ever have that after-tragedy or near-tragic experience sex?




*wink*

A Weekend In The Life Of...

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:

I got cramps man. Too early. Period aint due until next Monday. What the ras is this?

Anyway, I finished the outline of the new story that I have. I also completed my character descriptions/histories and such. Now I just need to write the sumbich.

I'm focused though, finally, in some way.
I have energy to write this and I feel good.
I'm headed to the Harlem Book Fair this weekend, and if there is anything that serves as great motivation, it is walking by booths and booths of really HORRIBLE books. I mean those dumb ass, ghetto-fied, grammatically incorrect books written by June Bug and nem, and published by Triple Crown, more than likely.

Those books keep me motivated. I also found The Darkest Child by Delores Phillips there as well. In fact, the publisher gave me a copy for free. This, in my opinion, was one of the best books I'd read that has been written in the past 10 years. So the fair wasn't a complete bust.

My homegirl is coming to visit NYC this weekend. Last time I saw her was in April for my birthday. This time she is coming up here to revisit with some people she met back then, meet Papi, and hang with me. I got a long weekend planned man. I know I'm going to be really tired. This last weekend we had the little one, and within 20 minutes I needed a nap. Children are the best birth control. I love her to death and beyond and cherish every moment we spend with her. But whooooooo, it is taxing LOL.

Thursday, I'm determined to get some sun, even if I have to head to the beach alone, I'm going to get a tan. I've gotten some darkness, a few patches here and there, but I need a complete, all-around tan. While there is ass waxing occurring in an adjacent state, and while Papi is out making the bacon, I will be sipping water, rubbing Hawaiian Tropic Oil on my body, soaking up sunrays, reading a really, really trashy romance novel. You know, the ones about white people 600 years ago, fighting wars and ravaging women. Woman says no, man says you are mine, she finally gives in, and he inserts his manhood into her triangle of love. THAT is what I want while I'm on the beach. I might even turn off my cell phone.

I'll try not to scare any small children with my massive body lol. Hopefully, there will be mostly senior citizens up there and I will blend in perfectly.

I was trying to put together a dinner where Papi's closest friends could meet my closest friends, but of course whenever I want something to happen, it falls to pieces. One of his best friends cant make it cuz he is working and one of mine just told me she isnt coming up for the weekend at all. Bummer. Another one of my friends said he couldnt come anyway, cuz he had something else to do. Ahhh gotta love being on the backburner in the lives of others. Nothign is more refreshing. I realized I hadn't invited him, and when asked why, I had to think about it. I guess subconsciously I knew he wouldnt come, so I didnt bother inviting him. Extending the invitation proved me right. He is almost always too busy for me these days.

I decided to go back to locking my hair again. I am about to embark on the next phase of my life and I decided that cultivating my hair would be a great way to mark my progress. I want to start them probably either right before I move or right after we move in. Someone is actually interested in subletting my apartment which is great. We will see if she takes it. But yeah, I'mma lock my hair again. Tired of shelling out $100 for microbraids and tired of the wear and tear of keeping a tight afro. it is more stress on the hair than people would believe. This time I think I'm going to start with two-strand twists instead of coils. Im going for a different type of loc this time. Need to find a jazzy color to start em with too. I want something really out there but not blonde.

Why is damn near every black female singer going blonde these days? Beyonce, Ciara, Olivia, Mary J, etc blonde blonde blonde blonde blonde...yuck!! Im so not digging this Blonde Ambition.

ok well I guess I'm done for now. Enjoy your weekends, mine begins tomorrow evening!!

Danja luhh da kids

Danjaruz Demeanor:















Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
This one's for the children...

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Ok, so at 26 I feel my biological clock is ticking. I'm fucking nuts ok, we know this, I know this, you know this, people know this.

So because of this, I am thinking that my eggs are going to dry up and I'm never going to have kids. Ok, so that only flashes across my mind every once in a while. But it does.

I wanna be a mommy. And I will. In due time *Cue Cee-Lo*

So we were walking, doing promotional stuff and we came across this sign. Had to be one of the funniest Ive ever seen anywhere. It was on a store window in the lower east side. LOVE IT!!!

2010

Danjaruz Demeanor:
*thieving*

Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
I believe Danja is the future...

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Carol had a good idea. She made a list of things she wanted to accomplish by 2010. I'm doing the same thing.

*Be married to my man YUP. I said it. I want to marry this man.

*Have at least 1 child I want to have my first child by the time I am 30 and I will be turning 30 in 2009. God, I'm getting OLD. That is only 4 years from now. Good Lord!! Anyway, I digress. I am filling my role as step-mother and LOVING it!! It is enough to hold me off until we get married and have had some time to be a "couple".

*Publish my first written work This is not counting any articles I have written for newspapers or journals. I mean my first published book, either a fictional tale or a collection of poetry or essays. This needs to happen soon.

*Own a car We are working on getting a car in the spring, but by 2010, I want us to each have our own vehicles and I want mine, at least, to be a brand new vehicle. I have a love of Mazda 3 and 6 series cars, as well as Cadillacs [namely the Escalade]. I want one of those.

*Increased my credit score by 100 pts. My credit isn't that great. I know this. It was shot to hell owing the University of Pennsylvania $17K. Well, I paid that off in one lump sum, and have since acquired other bills. Stopped working for a bit and became repeatedly late with paying bills. Student loans almost went into default. YEAH, my credit aint that damn great. BUT, I know that my disposable debt is only about $5800. [$50K in Student Loans dont count as I will owe those until I am dead and gone] I need to eliminate that and begin again. I should be able to do that in the next year. After that, it is all about on-time payments, paying in cash, and staying at ONE job and living in ONE home. by 2010, my credit score should be a lot more solid.

*I'll have waist length locs again Took me 5 years the first time, to get to that length, so if I start next month, I should be at that length by then. Let's just hope I am as successful in growing them this time as I was last time.

*Lost 100 lbs I want to look back at this in 2010 and say that I set this goal and achieved it. I want to lose another 100 lbs, naturally. NO surgery or diet pills or crazy binge dieting. I want to do it by eating right and exercising.

*Dazzled people at my 10 year high school reunion I graduated from The Lawrenceville School in 1997, and we had a 5 year reunion in 2002 [I was still really fat and stressed in college while most had graduated already]. I said for the 10 year, I would have dropped significant poundage [or be embarazada], have something significant to say about my life [I got married, obtained a master's degree, did some fabulous world traveling, and/or published a book], and just live up to the expectations of graduates of that school.

*See my mother move out of the hood She has had a number of opportunities to do so, yet she still remains there. I guess she has a master plan, but my hope is that she has finally purchased her home and has moved. She needs a nice place to store all of the nice clothes and toys she is going to buy her grandchildren.

*Helped my man achieve notoriety as the talented performer he is One of the things I love about my partner is that he is a talented artist. He is skilled as an MC and actor, though he pursues the fame of the former moreso than the latter. I would love to see him gain widespread acknowledgement and accolades for his talents. He deserves it, and I want to do anything I can to help him get there.

Euphon: Live

sugar honey iced tea

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:

I just got a lot of shit on my mind. I have been spending a lot of time lately to myself, well, sort of. I have been retreating into the recesses of my mind and soul and I have been thinking things over and over. It seems to be something I am really good at. I question what other things I am good at. I question a lot of things, always have, but maybe even moreso recently. I have too much time on my hands, I know that much.

One thing I know for sure:

IM BORED

Ok, so this is coming from the woman who found "peace" when she was taking 5 classes, working 2 jobs, running a newspaper, directing a play, and sitting on the boards of a few organizations. This, for me, was peaceful. I didnt have time to think about anything, which, for me, was excellent. I feared bad thoughts, feared things would resurface and haunt me. I ran, ran fast into being busy. I kept myself busy so I would never have anytime to think.

Now, I'm in the so-called "real" world, and I'm bored, out of my mind. Not that I am not happy with life and the way things are going, because I am. I think things are settling in nicely. But that is just it. Settling in. I think of Jello when I think of that idea of "settling in". Everything all nice and molded, only jiggling slightly. I thought that I could cure my boredom by going out, hanging out at clubs or parties, making "friends". I realized that was not good enough because I was around people who did nothing to stimulate my mind, and I knew I was not a party person. There is more to life than drinking and dancing to music, music that I didn't even really like. Again, I was running, trying to lose myself and escape the thoughts and memories.

I need something more to do. I thought about going back to school, but I cannot afford it right now. Besides, I am not exactly sure what I want to study anyway. My job isn't exciting, though the pay is solid. I wish I could do more direct social service, something more hands on. I need to work on that, though it might require taking a major pay cut.

Ok so it is HOT. Anyone who knows me, knows I do NOT like the summertime. UGHHHH. Im fat and this heat is working against me. The only thing I love about this time of year though is the sun's wonderful work on my skin. I love to get tans. YES, i said it!! A Black woman who intentionally goes into the sun for extended periods of time to get DARKER. I've always wished I had darker skin, or at least more even-toned skin, and the sun works miracles for me. So I don't mind suffering in the sun for a few hours a day to get that much-desired suntan.

I think I am scared of real success. I think I am scared of completing things. Like this book, I think deep inside I am terrified of finishing, because then I have to go to the next step. And what is that? That people might actually enjoy my stories? That I might have to write more? Or that people will hate them and I will be a complete failure? I think I can live with that because failure is always something I prepare myself for. I cannot say, though, that I prepare for success. If it comes, then it comes. If not, oh well. That's always been my thing.

Believe it or not, I dont think I am that great of a writer. I do not think of myself as a poet, as I do not like writing poetry. I think I'm an effective poet, if there ever were such a thing. I think that, if asked, I could write a really great poem, but that is simply because I understand the mechanics and what should happen in a poem, not necessarily because I have a passion for writing poetry. Ironically, I find that a lot of people who have passion for writing poetry... well, they suck.

I want to record a rock album. Well rock/folk I guess. Im a big fan of the Tracy Chapman, Kina, Cree Summer, Res, Meshell N'degeocello school of music. These chics kick ass. If I recorded anything, it would be something similar to their styles. This over-stylized R&B stuff gets on my nerves most of the time. It sounds so ... well, the same. I hate that. I hate monotony. I hate routine and sameness. is that a word?

Could I be manic-depressive? I have depressive and manic episodes. According to the books, and my symptoms, I could very well be. This isnt good. Bipolar is not the new black. What to do what to do? No docs, no meds. I need Jesus. Mary and Joseph too.

Am I rambling too much? If you have gotten this far, maybe not.

The Secret Life Of Plants is a wonderful, yet slept on, song by Stevie Wonder. So is The Joy Inside My Tears. Listen people, we really need to step our music game up. We sleep on so many songs, so much great music, so many amazing artists whose crates include jewels that we overlook. We settle for this trash today. I challenge everyone to take a well-known artist of the past and research/buy/download songs from one of their lesser-known albums and find the true jewels. I am sure there are far better songs than any of the nonsensical songs we hear today.

anyway im done.

Lonely Journey Along My Stream Of Consciousness

*note, the following in no way reflects the nature of my current romantic relationship... had to put that disclaimer before y'all start wilding out... just something I wrote*


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:

Lonely is a lonely ass word
Like miserable and lonely
Like misery
Like misery loves company
Like Three’s Company
Like Jack Tripper
Like I’m tripping on this word
Like I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
Like “Get it up, get it up, I’ll fuck you all night”
Like The Time
Like Prince
Like Another Lonely Christmas
Like I’m fucking lonely again
Like this WORD is everywhere, yet alone
As I often am
Back to lonely, solo, one…
Like I
Alone
Solo
One
I
Alone
Solo
One
With Misery
Like James Caan and broken ankles
Like rolling ankles
Like track stars
Like running
Like running away from my demons
My past
Like I passed the 3rd grade
Like flying colors
Like the colors I see everyday
That Stevie cant
Like I dream of being someone’s Golden Lady
Like I wish I were someone’s lady
Like, magic, if it is magic like lonely magic like miserable magic
Like you pull a rabbit out of your hat
Like pull me out of this hole
Like Black Hole Sun
Like won’t you come and wash away my rain
Like sun rays on Sundays
Like this Sunday is a day without sun
Like a miserable Sunday
Like a lonely Sunday
Again
Solo
One
I
Alone
Lonely…miserable
Lonely

NYC: Here We Come... 4 REAL this time

Attention folks!!!!

Calling all bloggers!!!!

You have been OFFICIALLY invited to the NYC LABOR DAY WEEKEND BLOGGER EVENT of the fall season *cheese*


http://nycmeetup.blogspot.com/

check it out!! Click Here!!!

We are officially taking over the NYC area

Hostesses Golden and Danja are welcoming bloggers to NYC the RIGHT WAY!!!

Let's make it happen people!!!!

Visit often as details will be updated!!

Mid Summer Thoughts

Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
From then until now we see
Our history
We have been a misrepresented people!

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:

****VENUS WILLIAMS WON HER 3rd WIMBLEDON CHAMPIONSHIP IN THE LAST 6 YEARS. SERENA WON 2 OF THE OTHER 3. WE ARE PAINTING TENNIS BLACK AND THIS WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY. GO VENUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!****


Ok so July 4th just passed and I am doing my annual sharing of one of the best essays/speeches written about Africans in this country America, What To The Slave Is The Fourth Of July. Please take a few minutes to read this if you have not. Once again for the coloreds in the cheap seats, we had NO parts in this celebration of "freedom". Why is it that we get all hyped about celebrating "Independence Day", lighting fireworks, having BBQs, wearing Red, White, and Blue, but when JUNETEENTH comes along, folks have questioning looks, or shy away from celebrating the official day of emancipation??!!!

Why, my people, are we so fucking backwards??? Why is it that so many of us rush into the malls and stores in December buying all of these gifts, telling out children that som fat white man is coming to give them gifts, and we cannot recite the Nguzu Saba?? The Seven Principles of Kwanzaa for those of you scratching your heads!!

Why are we so ready to throw down for Independence Day, and yet most of us don't even know Juneteenth exists?? THAT is the day we ought to celebrate. We out to take off of work THAT day. We ought to gether our families for THAT weekend and celebrate then.

Ok, yeah Im backwards too, because I'm brown skin and I look forward to the summer sun so I can sit on the ebach and work on my TAN. Yes, I said it, MY TAN. I love getting darker, and I crave the sun like white chics crave it. So I got a lil sun in Chicago, but I think I'm going to head to the beach this weekend and get my tan on. I'll take pics, of course.

Anyway, here is an excerpt from Frederick Douglass's speech:

What, am I to argue that it is wrong to make men brutes, to rob them of their liberty, to work them without wages, to keep them ignorant of their relations to their fellow men, to beat them with sticks, to flay their flesh with the lash, to load their limbs with irons, to hunt them with dogs, to sell them at auction, to sunder their families, to knock out their teeth, to burn their flesh, to starve them into obedience and submission to their masters? Must I argue that a system thus marked with blood, and stained with pollution, is wrong? No! I will not. I have better employment for my time and strength than such arguments would imply....

What, to the American slave, is your Fourth of July? I answer: a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciation of tyrants, brass-fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are, to Him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy-a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of the United States at this very hour.

This past weekend, I got together with a group of really cool people and I felt relaxed, calm, chill. I spent a great deal of time missing my partner, but that is natural and to be expected. I needed a different vibe though. Needed to be away from NYC and my job and people here. I felt like there was a cloud of negativity over me and I needed to get away from it for a while, cleanse my mind, my spirit, my aura. It worked wonders. I spent a lot of time speaking with people whose minds I respected, people whose energies were vibrant and positive. I spent a great deal of time in the presence of some beautiful people and that is exactly what my spirit needed. Ive spent entirely too much time around succubi in recent months and I needed to be reminded that not everyone is an idiot or asshole. lol.

In about two weeks, more of my close friends are coming to the NYC area, one from New Orleans, and one [hopefully] from Maryland. They will have the chance to meet their future brother-in-law and spend some time with me. I miss them both, and I hate that my close friends are all over the place. I wanted so much to have friends in this area, that I allowed myself to link up with people with whom I had nothing in common. In doing so, I ended up doing shit I didn't really want to do, just to have people around. Well, I have come to appreciate the fact that although my closest, truest friends are far away, the love they have for me and I for them couldn't be any closer. If I only see them 2 or 3 times a year, that is just fine. We are going to have the BEST weekend. Too bad one of my other friends wont make it, but she went with me to Chicago so it is all good.

So I'm moving. I need to try and get someone to take over my lease for the last 2 months of it. That might be hard, so I'm going to call my renting office and see what the penalties will be for moving early. HE told me that we are moving sooner than I anticipated, because he wants us to be together ASAP. I agree and Im with it. Just need to handle the logistics of it all.

I'm dealing with shit that I didn't think would resurface, but it has. Whats worse is that I fear it might adversely affect my relationship. However, I am open with HIM and we talk about everything, even things we have never spoken with other people about and I love that he and I can do that. HE has sworn to be with me thru it all, and be by myside, and so far he has been there. He hasn't waivered at all. I'm amazed because I have never experienced such support and devotion. I just need to work on my issues and allow him to be there for me as he wants to be. He says these are "our" issues now, and I have to get used to that idea. I have to get used to the idea that it is WE now, and not ME. I haven't had anyone offer that to me before, and really follow through with it. It will take some time, I know.

But for real though, I'm happy.

Peace,
M


Danjaruz Haiku:
my soul is happy
my heart is finally soft
i am at true peace

chicago...

was good... nuff said.

ha ha bitches!!