What Women Want

Danjaruz Depiction:


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:You think you know, but clearly, you don't know shit!

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
MEN: If you dont take the time to listen or take a real stab at trying to understand women, you never will, and you will forever be frustrated. Most women want the simple things. A woman wants a man who is madly in love with her, from the depths of his heart and soul. She wants a man who finds her sexy and more often than not has sexy thought when he looks at her. She wants a man who is not lazy, who helps out around the house, shares household and financial responsibilities. She wants a man who talks to her, confides in her, keeps nothing away from her, can connect with her and talk to her. A woman wants a man whose heart and soul speak to her heart and soul. A woman wants a man who knows he can turn to his woman when the chips are down. A woman wants a man who pays attention to her, listens to what she is saying, responds accordingly, remembers things, etc. She wants a passionate man, who makes love to her with intensity, compliments her in ways that make her tingle, knows her "spots", isnt afraid to explore her body and build sexual intensity together. A man wants a woman who puts her first, above everything and everyone but God, and reminds her often of her status. Most of all, a woman wants a man who is her life-partner, a man she can connect with in so many ways, a man she can always feel and who always feels her, a man she longs for and who always longs for her, a man she needs and who needs her.

It really is THAT simple.

Danjaruz Haiku:
I am so alone
Love's a feeling, not a thought
Why can't you love me?

Fall is here...Winter soon come

Danjaruz Depiction:


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
Summer is over, yes!!!

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
I do not like the summer. I'm a fall/early winter type of woman. The summer means hot & sticky, which means sweaty and greasy face, hot-and-botheredness. I am all for the fall and winter. Cool breezes that wake me up in the morning when sleep compels me to remain in its embrace. Snuggling up at night in the warmth of my bed, sticking my feet out to catch a cool breeze on my big toe.

This is a transition period. Things are stirring up in my life. On some levels, I am progressing, moving towards reaching my goals. On other levels, I am regressing, seeking solace in spiritual lonliness. Winter is hard. It is hard to be alone in the winter. I'm not trying to be alone in the winter. I will have my peace this winter.

Danjaruz Haiku:
Dangerous winter
I fear you, yet I need you
In you I seek peace

Black People Love Us!

Black People Love Us!

This site always cracks me up when Im feeling... weird
Some people find it racist, but do not get it
If you got it, you too, would love it

Dancing Machine

Danjaruz Depiction:


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
She's a dance, dance, dance, dance, dacing mahcine, watch her get down, watch her get down, as she do do do her thang in front of the screen.

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
Man I love to dance. This Saturday, I am going to a party. I go to about two parties a month. Im not a big party girl, but I try to get out and socialize with people every now and then. I love to dance though. Nothing better than shaking my money-maker on the dance floor, laughing, and having fun.

I dirnk when I go to these parties. Not so much that Im puking everywhere or I cant drive, but enough to loosen up the joints. Im a big girl and we get tired after a while. But when I have a few drinks in me, I can dance all night! Nothing better than dancing, knowing someone is watching your every move, knowing you are turning someone on so much, knowing that by watching you, someone is having a really great time. I love it!!

Danjaruz Haiku:
I'm a dance machine
Watch me shake my thing, baby
Oh you love it so!

Working out to Fight Depression

Danjaruz Depiction:


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
I must, I must, I must descrease my butt!!

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
I woke up this morning, feeling brand new. I want to increase my exercise to 5 times a week, even if sometimes it is only for 30 minutes. I am committed to some form of exercise at least 5 times a week. I have a birthday goal, and I am determined to make it.

I see depression staring at me. Ready to clothe me every day that I do not work out. I slip into a slump and I give up for the rest of the week. I have to work hard at keeping the depression demon at bay. It is hard, because it is so much easier to just rely on being depressed.

I AM going to lose this weight. I AM going to be healthy. I AM still a sexy mutha something!! :)

Danjaruz Haiku:
I worked out today
I felt good about myself
Depression will lose

Beautifully Black

Danjaruz Depiction


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation: Black is Beautiful

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes: Today, Im going to the African-American Day Parade on Harlem, USA. I have not gone in several years, due to being at school, not knowing when it was, etc. But today, althought it is cold as hell, I am going to brave the winds and support my people.

Im going with my dad. He and I don't hang out as much as we used to. He got married 4 years ago. I'm older. Dads and daughter sometimes drift apart. Im still a princess though.

Nothing more beautiful than seeing Black people get together peacefully. Love to see the floats. Love to see the color. Love to taste the food! Can't wait to eat! (This could be bad)

Danjaruz Haiku:

I love Black people

They are the beautiful ones

So sad, their demise

Rainy Days

Danjaruz Depiction:


Daily Danjaruz Deliberation:
Rain, Rain, go away, come back another day

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes:
This weekend seems like it is a complete wash out. This could be both good and bad. god because I can stay home and take care of things like cleaning, exercising, and writing. Bad because rainfall arouses me, makes me very horny, and I have no way of taking care of this feeling right now. At least not with another human being.

Danjaruz Haiku:
rain days sometimes suck
rain does make me wanna fuck
rain day, out of luck

Written Inspiration

Danjaruz Depiction:

Daily Danjaruz Deliberation: James Baldwin, a true literary genius

Danjaruz Disclosures, Declarations, and Diatribes: I am writing a book, and it seems like everyone wants me to read some new book, or visit some bookstore. I cannot blame them, because when I come across great literature, I share and share alike. However, when I write, it is hard for me to get into reading. I find that I get distracted, and my writing suffers. Writing is hard enough, yanno?

Well, the one author that I turn to for inspiration, is none other than the incomparable James Baldwin. I find that he does not distract me, in fact, he motivates me. He wrote about things that people doubted, questioned, wanted to hide, wanted to prevent, tried to reject. But no one could deny his genius, his grace, his artistry.

If you arent familiar with Mr. Baldwin, I would like to recommend Go Tell It On The Mountain. This is my favorite piece by Baldwin. The detail, the language, the imagery, second to none.

I finished chapter four. The week wasnt a complete waste.

Danjaruz Haiku:
You, James Baldwin are
inspiration to my art
Inside, see yourself

What would Arnold Do?

Can anyone identify with this picture?

I can.

You ever just wanna lash out at someone? Beat em up?

I do.

Broke Haiku

Poverty aint fun
I aint JJ on Good Times
goverment cheese...please?

Intelligent Brothers and Sisters

weight log

ok so yesterday i ate all day long, horrible foods, greasy, fattening foods
and at the end of the day, i was hungry, starving, Somalian starving, starvin like Marvin

for real, what the hell?

when i eat 800 calories a day im stuffed

when i eat 3000 a day im starving

yo, im so bugging right now

but today is better. kinda. pudding for breakfast. subway sandwich for lunch. salty-ass doritos. diet pepsi though. had a big bottle of water too.

well you win some, you lose some

mood: uninspired

Laziness

Consuming...it is
Enduring...it is
Intensifying...it is
Unrelenting...it is
Pervasive... it

this thing called laziness...cannot shake the feeling; control me, no more!

cant write, cant be
too lazy to think, much less pick up a pen and write
writing is who i am, too lazy to be what i am

how sad....
how dismal....

lazy sexy hungry dirty needy dirty hungry sexy...lazy

me.

Weight log

So yesterday was bad. I had four fried chicken wings. What the hell is wrong with me?? I wasnt even hungry. I was mentally hungry, but not physically hungry.

What made me do it? I guess I have an emotional connection with food. I eat when Im alone and pensive. I eat because I feel like I need to have something in my mouth (hence why I was a smoker for 10 years).

I eat because I love the way food tastes. I used to sometimes chew food up, just to taste it, and then spit it out. Kinda sick isnt it?

After I ate last night, I tried to throw it all back up, but I couldnt make myself throw up. I felt like shit. I felt like a complete loser.

This morning I got up, jogged for 10 minutes, walked for 2 minutes. I did some serious weight lifting with my upper body. Im getting stronger because the old weights are getting easier to do.

I did the lat pull downs at 50lbs easy today. I did 3 sets of 15. Im going to try 60 lbs the week after next, see what happens.

I realized I was doing my tricep extensions wrong and corrected them today.

My bicep curls feel like the easiest things in the world with the 12lbs weights. I need to move up a pound or two.

its weird cuz my arms are beginning to feel hard, but still look flabby underneath. My legs muscles are getting stronger, but so much fat hangs around. As I lose weight, my skin sags and Im too poor to afford plastic surgery.

I had a protein shake this morning and my vitamins. For lunch I had a chicken salad club with bacon and a pickle. All water today, until later when I go out and drink. I need a drink. Too many people have pissed me off today.

I want a cigarette so bad, but I cant go back to that. I know Id get readdicted, as I am still very much in recovery. Stress is a mutha...

Blah... this sucks

Blah

Ok you know what reeeeally pisses me off? When men act like women. OMG, it is the worst. I hate it when men get all pissy and wanna act like women, catching attitudes and thinking they are cute. STOP, it is not sexy.

Id rather a man brood silently like a real man does, than roll eyes, suck teeth, and get saddity. Lawd I hate it.

If people want to converse with me, why try to get loud? Why try to raise up in MY face?

When will people learn that they are only moderately significant elements of my life, and with the snap of a finger, I can erase someone?

I can be a cold-hearted bitch when I want to, and no one is immune to it.

*Rolling eyes*

Whateva....bitches!!!

Fuck You Haiku and others

He made a comment
About my ass in my jeans
So I said "Fuck You!"

****

Who is this joker?
Daring to come over here
"Not interested"

****

I wear Payless shoes
Not Prada or Jimmy Choo
I am broke as hell

****

Dasani is crack
No, seriously it is
I'm so addicted

****

I love to have sex
I just need a good partner
Taking all bids now

****

I am so lazy
Unemployment checks wont come
So I have to work

****

Jesus walks with me
Wait, actually, He runs
Too fat to keep up

R.I.P.

Today, I found out that someone very close to me lost his mother. Actually his foster mother, but from the things he has told me about his foster mother and his biological mother, I'd say his foster mother was his "mama"

I want to say Rest In Peace to her. He loved her, and so, even though I never met her, I loved her for how she affected his life. She was there for he and his sister, when they needed her the most and that is a beautiful thing.

I could never imagine it. I do not want to imagine it. I realized that I am not ready to lose one of my own parents.

I send my love to my friend and his sister, the family of his "mama", and everyone in this world who lost a parent.

Peace Mama,

Michelle

weight log...

Aint this something? I ran 4 straight minutes today. Ok, so maybe I jogged. But for the first time, I didnt have to stop, I was able to keep going. If it wasnt for the fact that I was only warming up before doing some lifting, I could have kept going. I didnt feel tired!!

Can you imagine a 300+ lb woman running on a treadmill? Whatever your imaginations are, chuck em and remember, I keep it sexy all day, all night, ok?! *snapping fingers* lol

Who am I kidding? There is nothing sexy about me sweating with my face shining, boobies everywhere but in place, and gasping for my next breath lol.

But hey, I accomplished something today. I realized that at a slower pace, I can jog much longer, thus working more muscles for longer periods of time.

Had Two bowls of super high fiber bran cereal today. Can you hear my stomach bubbling? Jeez. I think Ive ingested more fiber in the last week than in the last decade. All this talk about how important fiber is, and not just for old people! I jumped on the bandwagon. Each bowl is 52% of the daily recommended amount of fiber. Go me!

I also bought some chocolate whey powder and i found that it makes a great protein shake. Very filling too!! Got some multivitamins that are like regular vitamins on steroids. Who really need 1000% daily value of vitamin A? C'mon now. Turned my pee pee green though. Maybe they are working?

And the flaxseed. ahhh tastes great. Great omega-3 fats. Sprinkle it on my bowl of hay--i mean fiber cereal-- and Im good to go.

Im on my way, Im on my way!!

L.O.V.E.

"I keep on falling, in and out, of love, with you... I never...loved someone...the way that I love YOU!!"

Love. What the hell? I'm all kinds of messed up when it comes to love. I love hard, and I love fast. Some might say that makes my love weaker, but I disagree. I don't believe in the concept of "one true love". For me, I can have many great loves. I have had a few already. For a long time, I didnt love anyone. Not even myself. I lived many cold years, but when I discovered love, boy was I renewed and reborn. How wonderful it is to love someone!

Now I Live Only Very Emotionally. And there is nothing wrong with that. Im young, Ive got heart to spare. Im not 40 years old, trying to find a man and start a family late in life. Im young, vibrant, full of energy, full of love, and ready for it!!

Im in love. Very much in love. And I plan to stay this way, for the rest of my life.

Danja Ruz Afro Puff
Women love hard, men run fast...

Work

Work sucks. No, really, it really does suck.

I hate having to get up, shower, get dressed, leave my house, and travel to work. I have other things to do with my life like write my book.

I wish I had money. Im not saying I wish I was filthy rich. I just wish that I had enough money to take care of all of my monthly expenses. That way, I wouldnt have to work, and I could wrie my book and focus on exercising daily.

Sometimes, Im too tired to exercise. If I feel the slightest hint of tiredness, I mentally make tons of excuses to not work out. I suddenly begin to feel pains in muscles, tightness in joints, etc.

Im the worst.

So if I didnt have to get up and go to work (even though I have two part-time jobs),maybe I would be able to work out more effectively. Id also be free to write my book.

I weighed myself yesterday. 15 lpounds less than when I weighed myself two and a half weeks ago. And this was after stuffing my face with labor day foods. I guess this shows progress, right?

I bought some whey powder and flaxseed like they say to do in that Abs Diet book im reading. I also got some high fiber cereal. I wont even go into the details of THAT experience. Let's just say fiber, not just milk, does a body gooooood. I plan to keep it up. I also got these mega multi-vitamins that have like 500-1000% of every daily dose of vitamins. Crazy eh? Made my piss greenish yellow. Had to go potty like 50 eleven times.

Well with the whey powder protein shakes, the flaxseed supplement, the multi-vitamins, the fiber, the excess water I have been drinking, and the food decrease/exercise increase...I should meetmy goal of losing 150 lbs by my 10 year high school reunion in May of 2007.

think I can do it? well, if you dont, I do!!

Confusion

Have you ever been confused about really serious issues in your life? Have you ever come to the point in your life when you think, "what if I am really messing this all up???"

Its hard being 25. This is the one thing I have realized this year. Im an adult now. Forget when you turn 18 and register to vote. That doesnt matter because I have not voted in the 7 years that I have been eligible to. It doesnt happen when you turn 21, because I could buy liquor way before then. It didnt happen when I graduated college, because college graduations come to kids age13 and senior citizens age 63, so who can say that is adulthood.

Adulthood is when you get to that point in life where you must do it yourself. You have a job, hopefully on your way to a career. You have your own place to live, whether you rent or own. You are responsible for your own bills, and sometimes you get behind. You have developed solid relationships with people you call "friends". You are finally responsible for your day to day life. No one wakes you up, but you. No one tells you what to wear, but you. No one tells you what to eat or prepares it, but you. No one budgets your money or gives you an allowance.

No one gives you the important answers to life's toughest questions or solutions to life's toughest problems. That's on you! Im realizing this now, and it is hard as hell to deal with.

What to do? Where to go? Who to turn to? What next? How far? How much? When?

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

pimpin aint easy

beginning of madness

I started this blog so that I could post in my boyfriend's blog. However, I am sure I will find use for this.

Anyway, if you are reading this and have nothing else to do, mark it as your favorite, and come back to comment.

Peace,

Danja